The Contingency Plan

golden misgivings

even though i'm back with lucas (and i'm very happy with the decision), the issue of jack is still plaguing me.

i don't want to be with him, but god forbid, i think i'm being palmed off!

jack chased me for around three months and he was an absolute charmer. if we were to have dinner, he'd want to cook it for me (as taking me out would've been cheating), he'd make impressive meals that would've taken hours, knew every perfume i wore and what days i wore them, we'd stay out for hours in romantic parks just talking, blah blah, you get the point.

anyhow, this culminated in us being together. after being 'friends' for so long we ended up travelling through each and every base in the one night (oops), which i'm not fussed about, the only problem is that i never hear from him now. the difference in communication before and after the fact is significant and unfortunately undeniable.

he has said he's 'busy', but hell, i work 60-70 hour weeks so that excuse just doesn't fly (i don't actually say that to him). on the face of things this doesn't phase me, but i admit that when i'm alone i think of the situation.

was i being too clingy? did something about the experience put him off? was it too soon? on and on. he use to think i was intruiging, entertaining and intelligent - has that changed now that he knows me better?? i hate being a paranoid chick.

and now the thoughts have resurfaced as he went overseas for work for two weeks and came back on the weekend. yes, umi, it's only tuesday so don't freak out, he's probably jet lagged... nevertheless, i just know it's dead.

and i don't mind, i just wonder why.