The Contingency Plan

lucas is lovely and i am a fickle beast.

as you know, last night lucas took me out for dinner. we were having a rather belated celebration of my birthday so i arrived home to a very funky bag and skirt (he has impecible taste) before heading out to one of the nicer restaurants in the area.

and the dinner was lovely. lucas and i have lived together and have had an intense relationship for nearly four years now, and although our conversation still contained the intimacy of time, for the first time in over a year it also contained the excitement and attentiveness of people who've just met. it was so refreshing.

my relationship with lucas has been through a very tumultous period. i battle with thinking that i'm too young to be in such a serious relationship, with wanting time to myself and battling new emotions when meeting other men i'm attracted to. he's been experiencing something similar. i'm sure it's just natural...

but now despite my former decisions i'm really wanting to get back together with him and he's the same. we just seem to fit. but i'll have to totally end things with jack and that will make me sad as he's really lovely too. i don't want to loose his friendship or hurt him or feel too uncomfortable to stay in the book club so i'm going to have to be careful.

i just hope i don't make a fickle decision...