The Contingency Plan

I stayed home again today. I had my ultrasound this morning and then experienced some painful cramps so I came on home. The thought of my ovaries having these big fucking cysts on them is really grossing me out. The lady who did my ultrasound was a little strange and I didn't have the time to stay around for my results (as I thought I was going to go to work) so they're going to send them to my doctor.

I don't think my account director is impressed that I've taken two days off in a row, but there's nothing I can do. She questioned a lot of my tests and told me I've run out of sick days, which kind of annoyed me as I don't feel like I have anything to prove here.

What made it worse is that she came online tonight at 10pm and then messaged me saying 'kazumi - what are you doing online?'. I didn't think I had to justify my out of work hours so I told her I was looking up porn. She didn't reply. And I wonder whether I'm going to get promoted this week...

Anyhow, I was thinking about a recent personality test we had to do at work called an MBTI. I came out as an ENTJ, which stands for Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinker and Judger (direct opposites are Introvert, Sensory, Feeler, Perceiver).

Basically people of this type tend to be friendly, strong willed and outspoken, can easily identify and ammend inefficiencies in systems, they're honest, logical and demanding of self and others. Creative with a global perspective, they are also decisive, organised, efficient and can't stand imcompetencies.

This version doesn't sound so bad, but the one they gave me at work made me sound like a heartless bitch, which I was of course very adverse to.

But I've now started thinking that perhaps I'm not as nice as I'd like to think. I mean, I'm friendly enough but I'm increasingly impatient and intolerant and no longer afraid to express it. I don't deliberately seek to crush other, but certainly don't make time for shallow, stupid, self absorbed and melodramatic types, as pretty as many of them may be.

But in my defense I am giving, fiercely loyal and protective of those I love, try not to be toooo selfish and aim do the right thing by others.

Damn, who am I kidding... plain nice is just too boring these days.