The Contingency Plan

i feel like a fat, grumpy old bitch today. exhausted and having run out of ice cream, i've been nauseas for the last three hours and i just want to throw up already.

but i can't.

i actually wake up happy to the thought of wolfie each morning and there are so many days i'm delighted to be pregnant, but today isn't been one of them. 

i still haven't cleared my cloud of shock. my new dimensions are foreign, my judgement feels cloudy, i'm emotional and people are still just finding out, so i'm playing like a broken record. you have to understand i haven't had a regular period (hence no PMS) in four years so i now feel like one massively inflated and vengeful hormone. and i hate it.

but apparently i'm glowing and beautiful. i'm told this nearly every day so i should feel spoilt, but i'm way too frustrated.

and it's not the baby i'm frustrated with. it's the experience of pregnancy and the way it's suddenly invaded my life, taking over everything - my thoughts, my emotions and my body. i even hate the sound of the word now. or today at least.

and right now, i just want to be able to lie... comfortably.