The Contingency Plan

Today is ultrasound day. I'm having it done in two hour's time and I'm a little scared. My palms are sweaty, my tummy's jittery and I'm restless. As cowardly as it sounds, my dream is that they'll find a cyst instead and say my hormones have just been going a little crazy so I won't have to deal with the situation.

I guess this will concrete any suspicions I have. I wish I could fast forward to two week's time. That way, a decision would've been made and further action would've been taken from there.

I can't believe how hard this has been, how emotional I've become and how vulnerable I feel. I desperately want a close circle of people around me and I'm feel like I'm getting more support from others than I am from Lucas. We've been arguing every day for the past few days. He's been tired (from work) and I'm stressed so our combination isn't favourable. And it further scares me how we're not getting along. I know I'll make this decision with what I ultimately want in mind (as let's be honest, I'm the one that will be looking after the baby if anything horrible happens between Lucas and I), but still, I'd like to go through everything together.

Anyhow, it's time to start drinking water... wish me luck!