The Contingency Plan

Finish Him Off Boys

I'm a bandit for closure. Things gnaw at me. If not resolved I wake up at all times of the night with bits of my ear missing or my hair shorter. Fingernails fall off during meetings and it's all the small but important parts, never my thighs or bum.

While sitting here at my desk stressed with the cleaners buzzing around me, I felt my bottom lip fall loose and suddenly had the urge to call Jack. I didn't care who was right or wrong, I just wanted to make sure he was ok.

So he answered the telephone with his customary 'Hello ma'am' and we spoke for 15 minutes about books, work, Wolfie, how tired we both are and then of course I had to say that I was calling to see if he was alright following our last conversation.

And then it happened. It was one of those enlightening and restoring moments when you don't feel like you were possessed or mad, things are justified, your conscious is washed clean and you wipe that 'crazy bitch' mark from your forehead. You smile but your lips don't move.

I was honest. I said things had been left so ambiguously and I didn't want there to be a hint of negativity left between us. He understood. He agreed. He said he never realised how he felt about me until my last text message. I said I never knew how he felt or where I stood and he apologised. And although we both know it was never meant to work out romantically, we decided to have coffee to talk through the grey. I have a very strong feeling he's going to become a great friend.

The funny thing with Jack is that we've never agreed on a book. Throughout the seven or so we've both read, if he loves it, I'll be indifferent towards it, if I fall for every word, he won't get past the first 70 pages. I've realised we've never been on the same page. He's determined we'll one day find a text we both love but I'm happy even if we don't.

And so now my bottom lip doesn't feel so loose anymore. In fact, I'm smiling.