The Contingency Plan

I've spent the last couple of weeks drained, emotional, working long, stressful hours and coming home to a haven of Lucas and television. I haven't been writing, reading or seeing friends as much as usual. There have been blog-worthy moments, but I've lacked the inspiration to write. Everything seems staccattoed, forced and frustrating.
The morale in the office is dark. Nearly everyone wants to leave. Last week I consoled a friend who was sobbing and physically sick from the stress and it makes me mad. The company has a talent for employing vibrant, intelligent and tenacious people and sucking the life out of them. We all feel jaded and long for time to escape and revitalise. I'm consoled with the thought of leaving. It's been three years and I'm a sucker for 'looking on the bright side'.
And the main thing I battle with is perception. I often find myself feeling insecure, paranoid and unsettled, especially when it comes to Lucas. He's great, but it's like he's never enough. I feel I crave more than he can possibly give and consistently need to keep myself in check. Sometimes unsuccessfully.
There's a storm brewing tonight. It hailed heavily earlier today and there's nothing I love more than a rainy night. I'm hoping the change of season will soon wash away my angst.
I'm looking forward to having a baby, but I'm tired and know that won't change once I've given birth.