The Contingency Plan

Today was my last work day. Although I officially left on Friday, I cleared my desk on Sunday, met briefly with my team for a handover yesterday (Tuesday) and voluntary attended a client meeting to soothe the woes of a worried one until my group account director returns next week.

Part of me is a little freaked out at how much my life will soon change. Ok, more than just a little bit, which is why these extra work activities have been ok. But I waver between stress and anticipation and think the stress would minimise if I felt organised and in control. So that's what this week is all about.

I have to admit I've been very busy. Each day I've crossed off important 'to do' items like getting our bills in order (and establishing a filing system that doesn't involve just shoving them into the third drawer of our kitchen unit), organising the registration of our car and finding a good accountant to do my taxes. I also bought a new journal so I've been writing a lot more.

And this extra thinking time (and time in general) has made me realise I still miss friends like Sophie. I've grown apart from three close friends this year. I don't think I want to re-establish these friendships, but have discovered the loss has meant I rely on Lucas more to fulfil all my needs, which is impossible.

I know some may disagree, but I've never been one to believe that one person can fulfil each of my needs (or anyone else'). And it's not that I have that many to fulfil, I just think it's too unrealistic and sets expectations far too great for anyone to meet. It takes different people, which is why it's important to still foster friendships throughout any shit-hot relationship.
Anyway, I've been getting so very upset and frustrated with Lucas, as although he has great intentions, he's been extremely absent-minded lately.

Lucas has always been a bit of a dreamer. I don't mean this in a 'big picture' sort of way, but in an actual day-dreamer sense. He's always pre-occupied with his own thoughts and often jumps in and out of conversations, depending on his interest level. If he's bored or tired, he simply won't make an effort and will shamelessly journey into his own world - something that often infuriates me, especially when introducing him to people I'd like to become good friends with, but something I'm learning to deal with.

And it's not that he's unintelligent. The guy has studied for a number of high-end Cisco qualifications entirely on his own and averages 98% on each test. He's the same age as me yet makes almost three times what I do as a result. But I often think his mind is fit for the very technicial as he struggles with changing a vaccum cleaner bag or remembering to consistently charge and turn on his mobile phone.

So as you can probably imagine, this becomes worse when he's stressed and focused on performing well in a new job or preparing for a baby (which I even question he does) so I've been a second or third consideration, which is never nice. Especially when you're emotionally sensitive and about to have a baby at any moment. Plus I'm a major multi-taskers so it's a challenge to understand people who aren't.

But I know my woes are not unique. Partners all around the globe suffer similar fates, I just miss someone to openly talk to - not someone to judge or tell me what to do, but someone I can discuss what to do with. Sophie and I used to do that a lot.

Is that too much to ask for in a friend these days?

Anyhow, I also want to avoid over-analysing things too much, which is another reason why keeping active is probably healthy.