The Contingency Plan

It's 1am. Today was 40 degrees (celcius), it's still hot and I can't sleep. I've been getting to bed at around 4am (due to my insomnia and the Wolf being unsettled) and have been feeling displaced, anxious and depressed. It's apparently normal to feel like this a day a week.

Despite my efforts and expectations, I'm exhausted. I feel like I've had no rest or time to come to grips with every thing - three months just wasn't enough. There's no way I want to change anything or feel sorry for myself - I just feel a loss for my old selfish life. I miss sleeping, I miss my old functional body and hate to admit it, but I even miss work.

I haven't done any personal laundry in three weeks and am running out of clothes. Having my sister stay over for the night stresses me, so I can't imagine having the inlaws here for three weeks, and I'm starting to cringe at the constant visitors too.

Listen to me blah blah blah. I feel like I'm the baby and need some comfort and care. I should be stronger than this as I do have support, and for this reason, I feel like a horrible mother.