The Contingency Plan

Life with Wolfie has vastly improved now that he's properly breastfeeding. He settled, there's no need to express milk, sterilise or heat bottles and we've been out and about nearly every day this week, which has built my confidence and helped me to stay sane.

Anyhow, my MD, Kirsty, knows that I've been active, online and adjusting well so although I left work five weeks ago and had the baby just four weeks ago, I received the following email last Wednesday night:

Got a proposal for you.
How would you feel about doing some freelance from home on Client X with me and Anna?
It would be for two of their upcoming campaigns. In fact we need to write a program for campaign one – but I’m sure Anna can do that – though you could do some solo baby feed time self brainstorming I suspect. All billable!
Now – it might just be too soon and inappropriate or not what you want, but I thought it was worth asking in the first place. Have a think and let me know how you feel.
If you want to do it, it’s important that you think it’s actually practical and possible because we will rely on you to do your bit and as Katrina is away on leave and Jane is only just back on deck we will be short handed so better for us to know if this is a dumb idea or if we can actually count on you both mentally and physically.
Think about it over the weekend – get practical about it and let me know on Monday how you feel about it.
K

At first I was excited (that's the workaholic in me), but now that it's Sunday afternoon and I've had time to really contemplate it, my mind has changed.

I like the 'working from home factor' and am flattered they want me back so soon, but am equally disappointed as it's just way too soon for me to start working again - it's only been a month! I actually visited the head honcho of the company on Friday (she was dying to meet Wolfie) and she joked that if they had it their way, I'd be back to work now and they'd take turns looking after the baby (they naturally love him). Like all businesses, I know they keep their best interest in mind, but didn't think I'd have to push back so soon.

But there's another factor preventing me from going back. I've been extremely loyal to my boss over the years and am considered one of the most dynamic and creative people in the company, to the point where people actually schedule important brainstorms and new business meetings around my diary, so in an industry where ideas are everything, I'm a huge asset to the company. But despite my ideas and results, I've had to aggressively fight for each of my promotions, all of which were about a year too late.

I'm not opposed to hard work and a good challenge, but was shocked when I received word on Thursday that one of my juniors, Katrina, was promoted to the same position as I'm in after being in her last position for a mere six months.

Now although I'm competitive by nature, I'm not a bitch and would happily congratulate anyone who's awarded credit where it's due, but unfortunately I don't think it's due in this instance. And I sincerely don't think that's just my ego talking.

I've worked very closely with Katrina, in fact I helped to hire and train her and although she's very hard working and persuasive, she lacks experience and maturity. My MD positioned her as a junior manager, but as far as I'm concerned she holds the same full title as I do so she's in the same position. And it makes me mad as although I've won lots of business for the company and have run half of the consumer technology team for nearly two years, I was still put on a three month trial for a manager position when I went for it. Katrina has done none of this, she doesn't even know how to effectively write a full proposal, and was just handed the position.

So I'm thinking this company doesn't really appreciate me and all I've done for it so there's no way I'm going to put myself out for them. I know I sound personal and bitter but I am bitter and it's taken me a long time to admit that I don't feel valued there.

So tomorrow I'm going to call Kirsty and I'm going to decline her offer. In fact, I'm evaluating whether I actually return as I've thought about what they offer me and it's no longer inticing. And I'm worth more than that.