The Contingency Plan

The argument with Lucas' parents was stupid. They were uncomfortable with our generosity and wanted to refuse further hospitality. Lucas and I naturally shout them all we can and Mum had taken them out for yum cha and had also organised another harbour-side meal and a Bridge Climb, which they were really looking forward to.

Lucas' Mum was ok with this but her fiance wasn't. He's the kind that likes to split everything straight down the line, he separates his things from everyone else's and meticulously watches his items. None of my family are like this. Lucas and I aren't like this. But he wanted to refuse it all - the lunch and the Bridge Climb, which my Asian mother would've found insulting and very inconvenient as it was all was non-refundable. This was her gesture to welcome them into the family and show them a good time.

So we had a 45 minute 'discussion'. Lucas was bewildered and unhappy so I ended up doing most of the talking. Once we got chatting I realised they wanted to do everything we planned but didn't want to accept it as a gift. Lucas and I found it to be a weak excuse.

In the end they gave in on the proviso that we split everything from here on end. They also wanted more time alone, but positioned it as not wanting to burden or inconvenience us, which we tried to correct, but by this point I felt emotionally drained so I too gave in and went to bed heavy and dishearten. I'd tried so hard to unite us as a family and felt this was destroyed within an instant - it was us and them and they liked it that way. I'd just have to deal with it.

My immediate family life wasn't going too well either. Earlier in the day, Lucas had called Dad to offer to sell him our car. Lucas gets along with Dad better than I do and they talk cars together all the time. Dad really likes our vehicle and was coincidentally looking for one to buy for Natasha so it was a timely offer. We could get substantially more money if we sold the car privately but knew Dad was working to a budget and we'd rather keep it in the family.

So Lucas called Dad and Dad said he was flat broke and we'd have to get the money from Mum. We said he could pay us later but he refused this as well. This is where things get messy as I know Dad isn't broke. In fact, he's just spent $10k on his unemployed girlfriend, giving her a three month holiday to Africa so she can visit her family. You see, he not only paid the flight and expenses for her and her two year old child, but also forked out money to cover their rent during her trip.

I was absolutely livid. Mum consistently supports my brother and sister and has had to threaten legal action for Dad to do so. Plus, I don't understand how he can be so generous with his girlfriends (I recently found out he has more than one) and then be so stingy with his own children.

So I called him and before I knew it I was crying and telling him that he's going to end up a sad and lonely old man if he continues to consider his children as an after-thought behind his girlfriends and their children. He's only seen Hugo three times and on each occasion I'd hassled him over. And I hate doing it as he should be thankful after all he's done.

Dad tried to condescendingly brush me off. He said he didn't want to talk about it, that I knew nothing and was a silly and illogical girl, so I then said the one thing none of his children have said in fear of hurting his feelings.

I said I couldn't believe he had the gall to treat us so badly after he'd screwed around on Mum for so many years.

He then hung up on me, disconnected the phone and turned off his mobile. I haven't heard from him since.

I've been in touch with Natasha (another story) and Dad apparently has money now to buy the car. But I wonder if he knows that it's never been about the money. We were going to give Tash the car as Mum bought Harry's first. It was Dad's turn to buy Natasha's and Mum shouldn't have to pay twice, even if it's not a lot. I was mad about his lack of principles. About him lying and treating us second to his selfish desires.

And then I realised that just as he showed a lack of respect to us all by continually cheating on Mum, that nothing had changed. I felt hollow and broken. For years I've tried to prove my worth to him and it hit me again that maybe he's too self centred and just not interested.

But as I hoped, I do have good news to report. It's been a few days since our argument with Lucas' parents and things have improved. We had a few great day of sight-seeing and home life is no longer as tense. Perhaps we needed the talk to break down barriers and better understand each other.

I think you did the right thing by being so candid with your dad. Some people refuse to acknowledge that their actions have consequences for other people. Challenging his self-absorption, especially when you so want his approval, was brave.

Thank you :)

Dad and I still haven't spoken. I'm not sure whether we will for a while, but I had to be honest with him.