The Contingency Plan

For the first time I'm living in an area with lots of Asians. Unlike most of my family, these are affluent Asians who need the latest technology, premium cars and don't really talk as loud as the lot I'm used to.

And as I expected, the food is just great so Luc and I have been eating out a lot. While slurping down a delicious Vietnamese noodle soup last night, I looked over too see a mother feeding her son. Fine. But seriously, her son was around ten years old.

He was an arrogant and bossy boy who chewed with his mouth open. Food was dropping out of his lips and he indifferently let it fall. His mother kept feeding him and would pick up the bits on the table and place them in a napkin. Nothing said in the meantime.

And once I started watching them I couldn't stop. The boy's father was sitting next to his wife and ate as if nothing was happening. And seeing them made me wonder whether she would do the same if that was her daughter sitting opposite her instead of her son.

One thing that drives me nuts about Asian culture is the way they favour males. I just can't stand it and it baffles me because it's the women who carry on the insanity.

My mother is no stranger to this. My brother is 24 years old and was the only one in the family offered to go halves with my parents in a property near Noosa, a stunning part of Queensland. He was 19 at the time and had never worked. He still doesn't have a job and my mother pays for his part of the mortgage. When he started dating a girl he was quite seriously about, Mum opened a bank account, weekly deposited money into and gave him an access card so he could impress his girl. My grandmother found out and sent Mum a beautiful jade pendant she'd had for over thirty years to give to Harry's girlfriend and some gold for Hugo as I was lucky enough to have a son. She apparently said I can have whatever I like now (boy or girl) as I've produced a boy for Luc's family. Luckily Mum held off on giving the jade away and I'm thankful as Harry broke up with Katie a couple weeks later. They went out for two months.

Although I love the men in the Asian side of my family, they're honestly spoilt, chauvinistic brats, ungrateful and slack in their responsibilities. It astounds me how all the Asian women I know still favour their sons, brothers and fathers over their own sex with the full knowledge of the affects.

My grandmother is currently dying and in need of a lot of medical assistance. Health services cost a lot of money and although she's favoured them her whole life, her two sons are refusing to pay for any of the medical bills. Yep, it's her daughters who are pawning jewellery, working extra shifts and using their holiday time to look after her. And they don't say a word of rebuke to my uncles, as they're the boys of the family.

I recently had a conversation with my Mum about this and she said:

"That's just the culture Umi. Don't get upset, it's just like that. I love my son but I know he probably forget me when he has a girlfriend and family, but a daughter will look after me when I'm old. That's why I'm also lucky."

And all I could think was sure, your boys pass on the family surname, but it's your daughters who'll look after you in your old age, probably still full of questions and a desperate need for your approval.

There's an old saying: "A son is a son 'til he takes a wife but a daughter's a daughter for all of her life."

Anyway, sorry to hear you're stuck in such a chauvenistic family. My husband is Chinese but he is more equal opportunity. Before our kids were born I asked him about the traditional Chinese preference for boys and he promised he would not reject a girl. Now that we have one of each, sadly, it is me favoring the boy because he is easier to raise!

Hey Hokkaidoabbey, I wonder if those polls are conducted by Japanese men... I don't want to play favourites, but still battle with guilt when Luc does housework. I was in 'wife training' from the age of eight so some habits are harder to break.

And nice to also hear from you Junebee! Interesting to hear your husband doesn't favour his son. I wonder whether I will. I hope not. I wonder if most parents have favourites...