The Contingency Plan

My appointment with the oral surgeon went well yesterday. The lump is benign but I'll have to get it cut out asap so our trip is being delayed by two weeks to accommodate.

It's actually worked out well as a big potential client is interested in meeting with us but our contact is going on holiday for three weeks so the timing would've been off with our original leave date.

All this talk of tumors has really given me the creeps lately. I met with a friend during the week whose dad recently died within three months of being told he had cancer and I found out last week another person I occassionally hung out with but hadn't seen in over a year had died from throat cancer. He was a non-smoker, we're the same age and he passed away within a month of discovering. Although I've never welcomed death, the thought of it terrifies me now that I have Hugo.

But let's not get too melodramatic here people...

I discovered the MD of my last job left the company today. She's a real interesting woman. In her mid to late forties, her career is everything. She has no children, no love life anyone knew of, and boy did we try hard to know! She lives and breathes work and loves every moment of it. I admire her passion and courage, as let's face it, it takes courage for a woman to refuse to breed these days, but still, despite my ambition I can't imagine life without a child. I think I have too much to give and am far too obsessed with leaving a (hopefully) positive legacy.

And on the subject of that legacy, he simply lights me. I feel such a strong bond with this boy of mine. He's crawling now, standing up on furniture, giving me big, sloppy open mouthed kisses, playing little interactive games and already trying to barter his way out of trouble with smiles and affection.

Every night Lucas, Hugo and I go to bed together. Once we're there we cuddle, chat and play. Everything about that time is simple. We're surrounded by pillows, blankets and sun-smelling cotton sheets. We all smell of soap and toothpaste. Lucas and I shamelessly dote. We plan our trip, update each other on our businesses, think of names for future children, complain of being tired. And then Hugo will lunge with a kiss, rest his head on your chest, smile his biggest charm winning grin with his two bottom pearls shining, and touch your index finger with his as if to say that this ET has found home.

I guess that's just one of the wonderful things about having a child: you always have love and hope.

I'm off to the bank today to finalise our new business bank account. Chloe and I went last week to fill in all the forms and I was down a document so I have to return. The boys didn't appreciate being there for 1.5 hours last time so this is a thankfully short trip with just one baby and not two.

At first they were happy and awfully charming but then Louis started crawling around the floor chatting to random customers. Around this time Hugo started bashing the bank manager's calculator and drawing on her eftpos machine, then Louis split his water down his pants (so it looked like he wet himself), Hugo got bits of biscuit all over his pram and the surrounding floor, Louis decided to spread and smear bits of sandwich around the bank, and Chloe and I were trying to sound professional while saying things like, 'no baby, don't eat that pen', or 'darling don't rub your sandwich on that lovely lady's leg'.

In the end they were both crying and we were rocking, singing and trying to distract them with whatever we could find. Luckily the bank manager was patient and understanding, even though a colleague had said the bank had become a nursery.

Nevertheless, things are coming along nicely and after the bank we took a bottle of bubbly and a picnic lunch to a nearby park to celebrate our business becoming official. Cha-ching!

I went to the dentist last Thursday after an 8-9 year absence.

I need five fillings, have an infected wisdom tooth oh and there's a tumor in my mouth. I have an 'urgent' appointment with an oral surgeon this Thursday. I'm not really fussed but wish the money I'm spending was going towards our trip.

Anyone wanna see a photo of it???

hugo hands us hundreds of heart attacks daily by standing, eating, banging, rolling, kicking, climbing and flicking anything he finds

luc on his birthday

no matter his mood, hugo always smiles when he sees the camera, proof enough that he's our son

cookin' in the kitchen

I'm hunting and boy do I love it. So many of my life changing events have evolved around a hunt: Lucas coming here, my dot.com experience, even my affairs. I was after a bigger picture and even if it all fell apart, I had calculated my risk and made some interesting stories.

So we've been quiet in the bushes. There have been dark and quiet reflections. We're planning, scheming and devising. Luc and I are creating individual companies, Hugo's just over nine months old and soon there'll be a month-long trip to Canada. And the dot.com opportunity has just resurfaced.

Life is full.

Sigh. I've developed such a love-hate relationship with this blog.

I think I'm drawn to the concept because I want a way to record and share my life. I've always entertained the thought of someone, like a grandchild or great grandchild, reading my words when I'm not around.

Hugo's complaining and climbing up my side. His conversation sounds like a mixture of garbled words and static. He's rubbing his face on my skin. He does this when he needs comfort.

The last few days have been beautifully sunny, cold and windy. Our tree-cluttered street sounds like the sea.

I'm a bit over blogging and have been contemplating whether to continue for a couple weeks now. I'm not too sure and guess we'll see as time goes on.