The Contingency Plan

Monday, September 05, 2005

I've always avoided mother's groups because of the reasons below... wonder if the blokes would accept a stray sheila..

Fathers' day takes on a new meaning

By Julie Robotham Medical Editor
Sydney Morning Herald
August 5, 2005

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Family time … Christopher Rodrigues spends more time with Hannah, left, and Joshua, than most fathers do with their children.

Family time … Christopher Rodrigues spends more time with Hannah, left, and Joshua, than most fathers do with their children.
Photo: Robert Pearce

Christopher Rodrigues gave mothers' group a try, but the competition was so stiff it scared him off. The support of the sisterhood soon gave way to unconcealed rivalry where babies' achievements were concerned.

"It was, 'They've started talking', or 'My child's first tooth has come through'," said Mr Rodrigues, father of Hannah, 2, and eight-month-old Joshua.

These days, he attends a weekly dads-only playgroup, where the pace is gentler and the participants much more laconic.

The Chatswood group - aimed at the growing population of fathers who are principal carers for their babies or toddlers - has a serious purpose. Child and family health nurse Alison Leray-Meyer set up the group to give the fathers information and reassurance about feeding and dealing with tantrums, as well as extending their social contacts.

"It is a parenting initiative," she said. "There's a lot of information available about child health and nutrition, but it's delivered in a more activity-based, playful way."

The ubiquitous mothers' group format - six weeks of lectures followed by another year or two of informal coffee-shop meetings - did not meet men's different communication styles, she said.

From stories of traumatic births to cracked-nipple remedies, "women seem to network really quickly. They start to talk to each other immediately. Men might take a lot longer to begin to talk about personal things," said Ms Leray-Meyer, who organised the group after she noticed more fathers going to the baby health clinic to have their babies weighed, measured and checked.

She will outline its progress today at a conference of the Tresillian organisation, which provides support to families with new infants in NSW.

Nearly two years on, 29 men have attended, and the consensus is that the male-only environment works better for them. There have been trips to the beach and Luna Park, and a night at the pub is planned - sans babies.

No firm figures exist on the proportion of fathers who are primary carers for babies. But a substantial number make at least some adjustment to their work schedule to care for children, shows 1999 data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics. One in 10 sometimes worked from home, while 23 per cent took advantage of flexible work hours.

In the Rodrigues family, it was obvious which partner should stay home. Mr Rodrigues runs a wedding dress business with his wife, Helen, and clients might not appreciate having a man do the fittings.

posted by kazumi at 4:52 pm

2 Comments:

I hear those complaints alot about mothers' groups. I must be lucky because I don't have that problem at all with the one Elli and I joined. We don't compete and get along really well. I wish everyone had the chance at finding a great group of women like that.
Blogger Bente, at 3:39 pm  
I didn't join a mother's group for that reason. Early on, I read an article in a baby magazine about how the mother's groups can be as mean-spirited as high school girls. That really scared me off. I read blogs of other stay-at-home moms instead.

We have some stay-at-home dads in our subdivision. One is brave enough to come to Rompers and Rhythms which is ALL mothers, toddlers, and babies. He brings his little girl. My hat's off to him.
Blogger junebee, at 9:57 am  

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