The Contingency Plan

Throughout my childhood we were taught to respect and fear our parents. We weren't allowed to talk back and there no questioning of any kind. It went so far as if Mum and Dad did something that hurt our feelings we weren't allowed to show anger or cry and as a result I'm a champion at silently crying. In fact, I've sobbed in a room full of people without anyone noticing!

Anyway... as a result of this, confrontation of any kind with them is highly unpleasant. Even at my age, if I get angry or hurt at something they've done they don't see why I'm angry, only that I have an attitude and apparently don't respect them.

So this is what happened yesterday with Mum. The history is that we had an insignificant tiff last week about some dishes and she was susequently pissed because I shouldn't have spoken back and have an attitude problem. So I called her yesterday to say 'this is ridiculous, let's work this out'.

But instead, out came some deeper issues that took place years ago, which we just can't seem to get past. We argued bitterly for some time and then she said some things that crossed the line (I'm a waste of her time, she doesn't want to see me anymore, I should forget about her and find a perfect mother, she doesn't want anything to do with me) so I told her to fuck off.

Oh man, let's just say things aren't pretty.

Yikes. Be proud and happy that you're doing so much better with YOUR child, despite how you were raised. Every time I go Bad Mommy I think, Well, at least I'm still better than my parents. It's sad and crappy that you can't have a healthy relationship with your mom right now, but at least you're building a good, strong, solid one with your little guy. That's worth hanging your hat on.

Thanks guys :)

She's being terribly dramatic. She left to go on a trip around Europe yesterday (planned not because of me) but before leaving telephoned my brother and sister to say I'm dead to her and that she's so upset she's not sure when/if she'll be coming back home.

Crikey. And the sad thing is, is that this is about the 6th or 7th time she's done this (left the country without telling anyone, leaving contact details or a return date).

So the 'at least I'm doing better than my parents' thing isn't hard to do right now!!

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope things work out the way you want, Kazumi.

Well, if anything happens to her, don't feel guilty. She gave you no details as to where she's going or when she'll be there. I wonder if she's this way with just you or your siblings as well. How about Hugo, hasn't she got a heart for him? How sad.