The Contingency Plan

I love the rain so Vancouver's climate is comforting me in ways I cannot describe. I feel cozy, content and creative. When I was a girl I'd always clean my room when it rained. I'd then make a cup of hot, milky tea and write in my journal or read. And if that didn't suffice I'd play the piano as I could play loudly and expressively without anyone hearing my emotion or mistakes.

And there was no guilt about being indoors.

Funny how some things never change.

It's pouring down tonight so I'm here after putting Hugo to bed and folding away some clothes. All I need now is a good cuppa...

... So we've been here for over a week now and although I feel myself opening up, I haven't had a lot of time to myself. Nevertheless, living with a loud and embracing family has been refreshing. It almost feels healthier. Due to this I've thought about inviting my brother or sister to live with us, but those thoughts never endure.

I've been spending a lot of time with Luc's mom. Despite clashing a little in the past, I was determined to be positive and make it work and it's paid off. I've managed to get past her loud, hard and strong surface to find a very loving, caring and affectionate person. It's ironic as in our last argument mum said rejectful comments and told me to treat Luc's mom like my own and although I'm not trying to replace her, it's refreshing to have a similar relationship without the drama.

The rain has stopped but I've been crying to make up for it. I should note any of my alone time hasn't been easy. I find myself crying a lot and my dreams are bringing up things I want to forget.

I was so relieved to leave Sydney, but since arriving in Vancouver I've have multiple dreams where I'm hanging out with Adrian. In my dreams I know he's dead and am aware that I'm with his ghost and for a while it's happy but I always end up confused and horribly upset until I make myself wake up. I also dream of endless arguments with my parents and wake up tired.

My head knows that I'm still mourning and adjusting to life's changes, I just hope Vancouver's rain can wash away some of my sadder thoughts and provide some more comfort and clarity.

Hi Kazumi!

I've been a bit slack in my blgging lately and only just realized you're in Vancouver now. I hope the trip is going well. It's good to hear you're enjoying Luc's family.

When we went to Nova Scotia at Christmas I went into the wrong lane the first time I drove too. It was funny and scary all at the same time. :)

I hope your dreams ease up a bit and you can get some decent sleep soon. Enjoy the wet Vancouver weather, and feel better about things soon. :)

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Thanks Bente :) We're having a great time here. We're half way through the trip and I have a feeling the second half will fly!

Hope you and bub are feeling healthy!