The Contingency Plan

As I travel along a more cluttered path I've been thinking today about what inspires me.

I've looked around my home and can see a space filled with expensive gadgets - large screen tvs, expensive computers, laptops and sound systems. I've looked at my lawn and seen a high end car. I've examined the clothes we wear and they're full of labels, and have looked at shelves filled with DVDs, books, toys and magazines and have realised that I've been basing my joy on trying to accumulate more of this stuff, yet my desire has left me empty - financially, spiritually and emotionally. I feel tired and hungry.

When I was younger I was very religious and although I haven't been to church in years, I still hold onto the principles and values that I learnt. And I feel like all that's happened in the last week has held a strong purpose.

I feel so shallow and materialistic. I've felt confident and valued because I drive a nice car, live in an expensive area, fly business class and have lovely things. I want to sell our car to pay off our debt but am concerned about what people will think when I'm driving a cheaper model. It's so fuc.ked up and the person I was 5-10 years ago would be so very disappointed.

I haven't donated or sacrificed time by giving back to society in years. I've been too self absorbed and feel humbled and ashamed.

I can't let my sunshine be things when I want it to be people, ideas and relationships.

Luc and I have decided to take some drastic measures to get our lives back on track, which I'll detail in the next little while, but let's say that when we're bored we're no longer going shopping, we might see a friend or even talk to each other instead!

When I stop the noise around me and sit still, I realise that today it's my beautiful son that inspires me. It's the way he dances in time to music, how he always tries to bite my toes, his smile, his laugh, his six little teeth, how he tries to kiss me whenever he's in trouble and how he loves reading books.

And it seems silly to want more things when I really have everything right here with him.

Sometimes it takes something every once in awhile to bring us back to earth. For me it was all the hurricanes this summer. I don't complain about cleaning the house any more because I know I am very lucky to have such a house to clean.

Let me know what there is to do with a child of just less than one year old. I am trying to get off the shopping thing too, but I'm limited in what I can do with Branch and Blossom because they are so young.

Excellent pictures of Hugo. Are you making a scrapbook for him?