The Contingency Plan

how to follow up on that last post? those feelings weren't just an odd outburst. i'm still quite mad yet have struggled with what i think my (two or so) readers would think of me.

sometimes i also question what I write because there are a few 'friends' that have this address. i don't know whether they read this and simply don't trust them with my feelings. i might as well start a new blog. hm. a consideration.

life lately seems to be scattered with moments of heart wrenching pain and sweet elation. one doesn't overpower the other so at times i feel confused about the direction i should be taking my life in.

the thing i undoubtedly struggle with the most though is people's self-centredness. even one's spirituality has become selfish. it's all about 'my' growth, my path, my voice, my freedom, my destiny. giving to others is unheard of unless there is a reward system, tax deduction or at least some significant public recognition.

you know, i don't think people want more professional therapy and counselling. from my experience lately they want friends who aren't always busy, people to get involved in their business, to help and actually discuss their life, dreams, problems and remind them of their triumphs. i personally don't understand why i can't find this outside of my relationship with luc.

urgh. i'm so pissed and just dying for some violence.