The Contingency Plan

The rage has returned and I'm here in the darkness, headphones blasting and fingers madly typing.

Luc and I can't seem to get it right lately. We've returned to our old habit of arguing over messenger, even if there's no one here to over-hear our words, which feels totally pathetic.

Although I was gone for only three hours today and will do the same tomorrow we argued because his weekend "was gone". He's lacked time out.

Are you serious?

I've lost count of the weekends/nights I've been alone looking after Hugo after a stressful work week because he's working, or I've gone out with Hugo (which at times is harder) to allow him some space.

It doesn't take much these days for me to become fugitive to an overwhelming fury. I can't talk. I spit my words out. I try to exhale all the negativity but feel so utterly consumed. He just doesn't seem to get it and nearly all my girlfriends face a similar situation. Why are we ok with the sacrifices? Why can we happily and without complaint give up our bodies, time, careers and love and they can't?

When I point out that I work just as hard managing my own business along with everything for the house, which includes making all of our tasty, cost-effective and nuitrious meals, and Hugo at night he states that I don't have to work so the stress really isn't valid!!

There are times I feel we both know it won't work out but we're clinging onto tenuous strings and pushing eachother to see who'll snap first.

More than anything I feel confused. We don't argue for long. We both don't hold grudges. With sufficient breathing time we're always quick to make up. We don't like conflict, especially with each other.

So even though I'm livid, I know it won't last. We'll make up to only do this all over again sometime soon. And it's during these times that my relationship with my rage feels healthier.

Oh, the "Who works harder" arguement? We have that one.

I guess the good thing about arguing by IM is it doesn't disturb Hugo!

I'm relieved to hear that most couples argue about the same things we do....