The Contingency Plan

[Note: This has been taken from yesterday's journal entry]

9:37am: For a while now I've wanted to ween Hugo around his 18 month milestone. It's quickly approaching so today is the day we start.

I've decided to totally stop during the day but still breast feed when I put him to sleep. This isn't just for him, but also for myself as well. I've really relished the experience and will surely miss its pure and simple intimacy. But my body is starting to feel tired and it's time to socialise him in this aspect. I've tried this once before and he cried for hours so I'm prepared and feeling strong.

Weening him in stages will also help with my milk flow as it's still quite strong and I don't want to freak my body out in this process.

1.19pm: Hugo's just gone down for a nap. We had some of Luc's friends 'round for brunch this morning and as Luc and I were tidying up Hugo started pulling at my top for milk. I refused, offered him water and juice but no, he flew into an intense rage and spent 45 mins crying. Nothing would console him so we just let him cry it out. He occassionally stopped to see if Luc and I were watching him (if so he'd cry harder) and close to the one hour mark he settled down and watched some television. Another half hour later he came for a cuddle and I knew it was bed time.

10pm: I'm thankful Hugo's only had one major crying session today. He was in good spirits after he woke and we played with some toys and went for a walk to the park. After dinner I settled down on the couch to watch a movie with Luc and Rachael and he then approached. At first he tried to pull my top down, he then tried to get underneath and when all of this failed, he would cry, arch his back back, hit his head against the sofa and smack me. This would last for a few minutes and then he would calm down and take some water or juice. It happened around five times throughout the night and was absolutely heartbreaking to see him get so upset. I wanted to instantly comfort him but knew my actions had to be consistent otherwise they would be cruel. I was relieved when it was time to take him to bed. Breast feeding was a big comfort and it felt strange not to have it at my instant availability to console him. Today's been quite emotionally draining.

It will be so hard for both of you but as you well know, it's all part of Hugo's growing up.

Very true Junebee