The Contingency Plan

[Note this was taken from yesterday's journal]

Yesterday was a good day. Hugo only wanted breast milk once during the evening so I gave him some cow's milk and he really enjoyed it. He drank two glasses! Yay!

I also started working upstairs and that seems to work better for us. I was formerly conducting my all important business our lounge room and was consistently distracted by the television, food, noise and of course by Hugo.

Luc had to go onsite though so I hijacked his desk. The day was so productive and Hugo was better behaved too. When I'm around he wants to play with me and becomes upset when I won't so he was really well behaved. It made the weening process easier too as I only saw him periodically when he was busy. The day was a full one though. He had play group in the morning from 10-12pm, he then had a nap for two hours and the rest was spent playing with Rachael.

Rachael usually puts him to bed during the day but I took over yesterday as my breast were filling up and I didn't want to get mastitis. Hugo seems to understand that he can have neh neh (Mandarin for boob) when going to sleep and it's made sleep time quite special. He claps his hands and gets really excited every time it's bed time. Putting him to bed is totally void of grief.

His appetite hasn't increased (he's never eaten a lot which was part of the reason why I breastfed him past 12 months old) so Rach and I are making sure we give him plenty of healthy snacks like sandwiches, cheese, pieces of fruit, juice and milk. He loves cheese and meat.

I had quite an emotional day today though. I cried for two hours and hate these times when I'm weak and hurting, but still strong to hold it all together. It wasn't about the breastfeeding but about things I've cried over many times before, which is why writing about them again seems pointless.

But of course, tomorrow will be a better day.

You write in a journal AND a blog? The journal is paper? Private?

Yes, the depths of my self-absorption are endless!

The journal is the pen and paper kind for when I want to physically write and offload all things too emotional, paranoid and obsessive to share here...