The Contingency Plan

When I gave birth to Hugo nearly two years ago a new struggle emerged in my thoughts and daily habits - the struggle of whether to strive to become a perfect super mum, a 'yummy mummy', that breed of female determined to not let children discourage their efforts to stay fit and fabulous, career forging ahead, relationships in tact, sanity within reach and house in perfect order.

From my experience, the yummy mummy seems to be more prevalent in older mothers, especially those who have managed very successful careers. Used to every aspect of their life being under total control, they find no reason for this control to waver with a new bundle of baby. Fair enough. But I find these mothers the hardest to deal with.

For a while yummy mummies were the only mothers I had contact with. I was the only one without a strict baby routine, the only one abandoning thoughts of a diet, (as a result, the only one who couldn't fit back into her jeans six months after giving birth), the only one who relished baby sleeping in the same bed, the only one open to whatever the day faced and because of that, someone on a totally different wave length. I could sense their pity and bewilderment but wanted to enjoy being a mother. The change was enough to deal with. Why should I invite further stress?

As Hugo grows older I'm thankful for the confidence I've developed in my intuition and abilities, but with age also arrives a new set of expectations. I find myself billowing in guilt for not pushing the alphabet, numbers, a new language, a few new song. Don't get me wrong, I think he's an intelligent, loving and funny boy, but am totally opposed to pressuring him to be already ahead of the pack. He has the rest of his life to deal with those competitive forces. He's not even two years old.

I was relieved to read an article recently that said a child with happy, financially secure and sensitive mother has, in return, the best chance of living a happy life. The flash cards, language tapes and educational toys don't really matter (even though at times being a happy, financially secure and sensitive mother is enough of a challenge!). Nevertheless the article got me wondering whether all those mothers raising perfect babies in perfect homes with perfect bodies are happy living under the rather unrealistic strain of perfection?

I don't understand how a baby cannot challenge and change your life and I'm not too proud to admit to loosing it once every so often, envying the reckless abandon of single, childless friends and sometimes wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life. And once I started shamelessly discussing this with other girlfriends they slowly started to admitting the same thoughts. I decided to discuss the topic with my mother who to my surprise sat in amazement at what the modern mother achieves. She believes it's hard to be a wife, a mother or a career woman, let alone these three things at once. And I agree.

So what I really want to say in this post is that I think we're all doing alright. Modern mothers are not martyrs, superbeings, always right or always happy but isn't this gig hard enough without those (un)great expectations?

What I worry about is with the kids the age of my kids is that I will never know if I'm doing a good job or not. It won't be till years later when the kids are happy and well-adjusted, or miserable and misadjusted to society that I'll really know.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what would make me a happier person, because that surely will result in happier children.

If people want to pressure themselves to do everything perfectly, there's not much we can do about it. Most people want to give their kid an edge so they have the best chance for opportunity and success, but there's a fine line between enriching the child and pushing him too much.

I was told at the 18 month checkup that if Branch and Blossom do not speak 3 or 4 word sentences by the time they are two, they will have to go to speech therapy. :( I didn't talk till I was 3 and I've read of similar cases, especially if more than one language is used in the home, which is our case.