The Contingency Plan

The days are drawing out, ushering in warmer, heavier currents that always force me to open every door and window in the house. Come in, Spring. You are very welcome.

So everyone, the answer to my last little quiz is......

B.

Yes, my father (64) is getting married to Shelly (33). She's from Thailand, flew out here to meet him two weeks ago and the date is set for 23 September. You were right Manie.

Although he's rarely in touch with them, Dad's asked my brother and sister to be his groomsman and bridesmaid. Mum's pretty pissed off at this and feels his rashness further makes their 27 year marriage feel worthless and even more humiliating. Just when you think it couldn't be possible!

I won't be attending the wedding. The only way I'd entertain the thought is to publicly say why the union should be avoided. Dad knows I'd do it so he's not pushing the point.

The announcement, and the decision my brother and sister have to make, has made the week quite exhausting. To escape Dad for a while (who shamelessly told Natasha infront of Shelly and some of their friends), Natasha's been staying here with us. I spent six hours on the phone the night of the announcement consoling everyone. It was heartbreaking to hear my brother, usually so calm and collected, bawl. Natasha couldn't help herself on the train home and Mum, well, she couldn't sleep for two days.

I've been surprised at how I haven't felt hurt or upset. Although I love him, I think my Dad is such an arrogent and foolish dickhead and am more concerned for my family who obviously haven't developed as much of a thick skin. Plus, his call gave me the perfect opportunity to tell him exactly how I've felt the past five years, something I've always wanted to do, waiting for the right moment.

I didn't cry. Instead, I spat my words out veraciously and he just sat on the other end, silent.

Hmmm, this is quite a tricky one. Men, there is really no understanding them sometimes. Having spent ten years in HK I have lost count of the number of older men that I know that divorced and then married younger Asian girls. I am afraid to tell you what comes next follows a pattern repeated again and again.

First of all its great, they (both) can't believe their luck and its fun. You will see your Father sending a lot of white goods (fridges, aircons, microwaves etc) up to family in Thailand and you will also see him holidaying up there where he will be required to buy lots of 'gifts' (tv's, more white goods) etc for the extended families.

Then of course the 'fun' part starts to wear off and life settles into its usual humdrum routine and your Father will start spending more and more time on his own. He will discover that actually they have absolutely nothing in common, that he is being taken for a ride and it wasn't at all what he was expecting nor hoping for.

Sad, but there you go. It is a difficult situation you face, my thoughts are with you.

HMHB

Good luck in dealing with this... Good for you to tell your dad how you feel, he needs to know how his actions are affecting everyone else.

My sister is 22 and started dating a 40 year old.... She goes out of her way to make things difficult for my parents, and they won't say anything to her!!!!

Hey, what happened to Elizabeth? Did I miss something?!

HMHB: Thanks for your thoughts. We all know this is coming, which is why I absolutely refuse to meet Shelly or be involved with the wedding. It's not the first time Dad's been suckered in like this. He has a pattern of pursuing vulnerable women. He comes to their rescue, purchases everything from new cars, furniture and white goods to paying their rent and splurging on holidays. He'll then cry poor whenever you speak with him and move on to someone else when he gets bored. We had a major falling out over it a couple years ago (he wouldn't help my sister get her crappy little car fixed when she was first starting out in her career, yet bought Elizabeth and her son a trip to see their family in Africa and paid their three month's worth of rent while they were gone... ??).

Anyway, I agree with you, I know the pattern that's ahead, which is why I don't want to invest my emotions. It's totally pointless.

Mrs Wooden Nickels: I can definitely see the attraction in an older man, though I feel for your parents too! I normally don't have any issues with people dating whomever they want, yet can see the future not being bright in my Dad's case (hopefully it's much different for your sister!!)

And Junebee: Elizabeth hasn't gone anywhere. She's still around and I know for a fact that Dad still sees her, even though he denies it. He was with Elizabeth and another woman in Sydney we never met while 'chatting' to Shelly on the phone. It's sickening. My brother and sister know this too, which is why they're having a hard time making a decision. The wedding goes against all of their morals but if they disagree to be involved, Dad will probably cut them off.