The Contingency Plan

I realised tonight that I've had this blog for three years and a few extra days. Wow.

I was reading through some old entries tonight and although I feel really attached to this body of writing, I don't think I can continue anymore.

There's so much I want to share here, but it's become too taxing. I made the mistake of using someone's real name (which was googled and linked back here) and shared this address with a few people that I wanted develop a closer relationship with, and well, they were both mistakes.

As a result, there are people who know me that read this and it bothers me that they do now, mainly because the relationship is not reciprocal. I don't know their private thoughts and feelings and this is too much power. It's too intrusive.

What's kept me blogging for so long is how compelled I often feel to write and the loyal bloggers who in turn, read and comment.

I admit I'm in a real state of confusion and depression. I don't know the direction I should take (in regards to a few major different aspects) and think I'll finally seek some professional help with finding my way.

It almost seems fitting that my last post is one where I'm unhappy and in search of another path. Much like my first post.

Aw nuts! I hate it when a great blogger decides to call it quits, but at the same time I totally understand. Best of luck to you, Kazumi!

Oh, I am so sorry to hear you'll no longer be posting. The Citizen often asks about you and Hugo (sorry, not about Luc, though I've mentioned him once or twice!). I'll miss my Hugo picture fix too!

Good luck to you, dear Kazumi. I hope everything works out for you. My e-mail address is on my blog if you want to oh, say, send me a Hugo picture. Or two. Love, Junebee.

Delurking at your last post to wish you all the best for the future for you and your lovely family.

I will miss your writing as you write with such feeling and clarity but I do understand the need for privacy, I am not brave enough to write comments often let alone write a blog!

I can understand the dilemma with having a blog, and I'm debating myself to throw in the towel. I feel as though I can't always be as honest as I would like to because who knows who's reading? I haven't given out my address to friends so that they can read, but I do feel restrictions that it will come back to haunt me someday! Good luck in your future, and thanks for letting us in. I've enjoyed reading.

Shoot. I just discovered you. I hope you'll resume blogging at some point. No one in my "real" life (other than dh who found it by accident) knows about my blog. Perhaps you can create a new username and start a private blog one day if you find yourself missing it.

Kazumi, I will miss you. Don't give up! Please...

Hello

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Hey Benjamin,

Even though I haven't written lately, I still want to keep the blog, just in case. Almost like a contingency plan...

Thanks anyway,
Kazumi