The Contingency Plan

This last week has felt significant. It's been nearly two weeks since Luc verbally expressed unhappiness and his behaviour since has been truly abhorable. The average time he was coming home was around midnight, Hugo doesn't really spend any quality time with him and he simply does not want to be accountable to me in any way (he's actually said this to me to).

I told Amelia our situation on Friday night. It's too hard for me to pretend anymore. We're pretty close to her and Kian so she was shocked and instantly went home to share the news. Kian was upset that it took so long to tell him and came over straight away with a bottle of wine and some take away Thai. On his way though, he also called Luc and said that he wanted to candidly chat to us both and get everything out in the open. Making me wait was unfair, especially as he's not around for Hugo and is leaving me to do everything. They came over at around 8.30pm and left at 11.30pm. I knew Luc wouldn't take it well and was right. He never came home that night.

He stayed away the whole night and didn't call. I finally got through at around 3.30pm the next day and he said he stayed with a friend drinking for most of the night. He didn't feel I had a right to be angry. It was only one night. He later came home around dinner time after chatting with Kian. I tried to talk to him but he wasn't in the mood so I said today had to be the day.

It's 3.10pm and Luc and I have just finished the conversation. Hugo is next to me, playing with his favourite trucks, unaware, the movie Cars is playing in the background and Luc has just left, wearing my favourite smell almost with cruelty, gone to get some coffee and to think.

This is so hard. I haven't been happy but my word, I really wanted a life with him. I wanted marriage, babies, old age - the lot. I feel so crushed. So broken.

The hardest thing for me to come to grips with is that we're parting because he's no longer attracted me. Said he hasn't been for years (even before Hugo was around)... I feel like an unattractive fool. I feel deceived. He can't explain the times that we have been intimate. There's a lot he can't explain.

The conversation was difficult. I was angry, rejected and emotional and he sat there the whole time, calm and composed. This feels so unfair, I always come across as the crazy one.

And even though I feel such crushing emptiness, I'm relieved as there is finally a resolution. I can move forward, I'm no longer in limbo, waiting, alone.

We have officially separated.

Oh Kazumi, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard this is. Though it sounds like you have a ton of support feel free to email me at any time, or I'm even willing to be an ear anytime you need one.

Well, perhaps it's for the best so you can move on. I do feel sad for you and Hugo though. And I have never actually seen a picture of you but I bet you're not an unattractive fool. Shame on Luc for even saying it.

You DO get custody of Hugo. (right?).

Thanks Bente and Junebee. I certainly will get full custody of Hugo, that was never in question, thank God!

And Junebee, email me with your email address and I'll send you a photo of us all.

xox

I'm sorry to hear this. Ditto what Junebee said about being an unattractive fool. That's just mean. I can tell you're smart, kind and accomplished. Stay stong.

Kazumi, it's APRIL THE ARTIST. i just wanted you to know that this is such a coincidence that i'm here.

I cried my eyes out this morning on my way to work because i'm having problems with my husband of 5 years. i recently found out that he is still calling the woman he cheated on me with. and we still live together. this past week, he promised me that he wanted to work things out, that he'd stopped talking to her. i asked him last night, he said very gently, that he wasn't talking to her anymore.

well, this morning i checked his incoming calls on his cell phone and he talked to her LAST NIGHT!!

so, after crying my eyes out, i get a message from you on another site and come to read your blog. where you are going through the exact same things i am going through. that is freaky.

i have a child too. i take full care of her too (whiele working). he comes home all times of night.

well, i've realized something here. i am very unhappy with him. i am angry and upset. but, where i've gone wrong is giving him the benefit of the doubt. and letting him be the one who decides where the relationship goes. waiting around for him to make up his mind.

he isn't man enough to let me go. he'd rather play this game with me instead. so i end up hurting more than i would if i just left. i am going to leave, but for now, i'm stuck saving money to move and trying to find an affordable apartment.

i'm hurt too because it's obvious that he finds this girl more important than me. that even after all our long discussions and his promises that he loves me, he is still hanging on to her. i feel low and rundown. but i know we are bioth stonger than all that. aren't me. and though it hurts now, it would hurt much more if it dragged out for years. i guess the hurt is inevitable. but lif eis still out there waiting. and i bet yo uit will be much better say, a year from now.

i was watching oprah once, and she said that we teach people how to treat us from the beginning of a relationship. i've been thinking a lot about that, and what i'm putting out there to men. i realize now that i tend to make light of things when inside they upset me. that i tend to put the needs of others before me.

so, i've learned from reading this. the timing was impeccable. the universe is amazing that way. i was just sitting here feeling alone. like i've was the only one going through this, then i read your blog.

thanks chanchow :)

april, i'm so happy that i contacted you!

my word, our situations ARE similar.

luc came home late last night after we 'officially separated' and said that he felt more optimistic about our relationship. he had some time to think and felt clearer. we hugged (first physical contact in months), we all slept in the same bed, when i asked him if he loved me, he said 'of course i love you', we made breakfast together, he told me where he was going that day and called on his way home. he was gone for most of the day but i felt so damn happy as things seemed to be improving.

then tonight i gently asked whether we are still separated and he couldn't answer me. he said that he didn't know. we could talk once he finished his work project. he was still unsure.

i feel like a complete fool. he is in total control. i am simply waiting around, which i hate. how did i become this person?

april, i'm like you. if i had a wealth of funds then i wouldn't be here but i have to stick around to get more financially stable.

my thoughts are deinitely with you!
the timing of our experiences seems more than coincidental.

i'm so sorry that your husband is still in touch with the other woman and that he doesn't have the courage to be honest with you. you deserve so much more than this, so does your child.

you're right. things will be better for us in a year's time, but in the meantime, let's stay in touch.

www.horsefacebeth.blogspot.com

the other jada blog.

I'm back Bitches!

Oh Kazumi, I'm so so sorry. I can tell you are in so much pain, as anyone would be. I hope things get better. It sounds like Luc is shutting down emotionally and trying to hurt you and push you away, but I bet you both know deep down that the past years have meant a lot and that you obviously love each other very much. He wasn't thinking clearly at all when he said those mean things. You are gorgeous, you know that.