The Contingency Plan

i admit i felt pretty cocky after my last post. almost sophisticated. luc and i had everything sorted. we were separated but friendly. civil.

and then he went away for work and our bank account password mysteriously changed. he was in consistent contact while away. long telephone calls where he admitted that it wasn't me at all. he was delusional and desperately wanted our family back. he wanted me back. had thought of me the whole 12 hour drive to melbourne and back again.

i was furious but soften. that is, until i managed to hack my way back into our account and discovered hotel bills. thousands taken out in cash. i festered and then confronted him. he lied until i absolutely cornered him. he was in sydney the whole time. we live 10 minutes away from the city. i was absolutely livid. he blamed me for everything - apparently i'm too crazy and don't appreciate people's need for alone time. i knew it was a lie and felt despondent.

so i followed my gut and the bread crumbs. hacked my way into his email account. found the very expensive hotel bill. saw the hotel reservation was for two adults. and then found another email account a few messages down, opened in another, related name. hacked my way into that one too. so much for internet security.

and every single email was from her. another woman. younger. asian. canadian.

i read every note. i saw the pictures of them together. realised there were pictures sent that he had taken while i was sitting across from him. saw their vancouver property searches.

those long nights at work were something very, very different.

i realised he had taken money from our shared bank account to pay for her flights from canada to visit him here. our money paid for their hotel rooms, for their dinners and gifts. he has spent close to $10,000 on this and i have to fight to get our rent paid.

i've known for four days now and he has no idea that i do.

there are so many details that i wish i could write of, but i feel utterly broken. after seven years and a child together... i feel so humiliated.

my plan so far has been to stay strong, wait out the next four months, get financially sorted and then reveal the betrayal in spectacular fashion. but i'm finding this so, so hard.

Whoa. Just whoa. I can't even imagine. I am so, so sorry, Kazumi. Stay strong, though. Use this space to vent. You'll come out much better off in the end. Man, what a jerk he is.

Oh no. How horrible. Before you confront him, get your ducks in a row. Collect every piece of paperwork you can find. Print those emails, those pictures. You may need them or you may not, but you'll be doing something.

I'm very, very sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear this, Kazumi. I suppose that this explains a lot of his behavior-- his indecisiveness, guilt, frustration and perhaps self-loathing. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants-- one day he wants your family back, another day he wants to move to Vancouver. I agree with Em that you should prepare yourself, but if you can, refrain from reading new emails because that would be an endless, downward spiral that would drive anyone crazy. Do you have your own separate bank account?