The Contingency Plan

The notion of a rebound fling makes perfect, absolute sense to me lately. I understand these situations can become tricky and unfair, but I don't want another serious relationship. I'm after frivolty that makes me forget the pain and helps me move on.

I don't understand why this pain lingers. I find it all together bothersome. I look at Luc and I don't want to be with him. My heart has totally shut him out, yet I'm still utterly crushed by what he's done to me. It seems so very unfair.

Anyway, my freelancing work takes me to the center of the city four days a week so I've been leveraging my time and meeting up with friends for lunch or dinner, and today I realised that I've been on four non-dates in the past two weeks. Each situation is pretty innocent, but I admit that I've really looked forward to each one. The only reason why I even use the 'date' word is because of the undeniable chemistry of each situation. I've never been wrong when I've felt it like that in the past.

Each of the four different men are attractive, witty and very successful: one journalist, one actuary, one lawyer and furniture designer. One dinner, two lunches and one drink after work. Conversation flowed, eye contact was perfect and in each case, we ran well over the allocated time we made for meeting. Promises were made to meet more often.

But each of them are non-dates becauase there's no way I can date another journalist and the other three are new or very old friends that have girlfriends - two just started seeing someone and the last has returned to a rather confusing relationship. And there's absolutely no way I would knowingly be the "other woman" or date someone who could do that right now.

I feel myself bouncing from the notion of one person to the next. I know each small flame is a pure fantasy, but I don't care. I seem insatiable and curse the fact that I've felt something like this with four men who are unaccessible. But my heart has the answering playing and the excitment of one person fades into the face of another.

i think it's great that you are finding other men attractive. i have many friends who, after a painful break up, mourn in solitude and are not open to being around other people, let alone finding people attractive. is it possible that you find these men attractive in part because they're unavailable??-- you can feel attracted to them without worrying about it going to the next level...

hm. i think you may be onto something there. that never occurred to me before, yet it makes sense... there's no way i want a relationship right now but these people seem to fill some of the void that i feel since luc and i separated.

Right now just have fun with keeping yourself busy. You never know, one of these guys might have a friend or a friend of a friend!

Certainly a boost to your self-esteem, dates/friendly meetings with 4 different guys! Enjoy.

Take your time, don't do anything re-boundy. That wouldn't be fair to a guy either (unless he's re-bounding too!).

Thanks Junebee :)

I definitely don't feel like anything serious right now and would naturally communicate this.

Frankly, I flirt with the concept of someone new, when in reality, I don't think it's going to happen for some time (which is also somewhat of a relief!).