The Contingency Plan

Even though this is my blog, I'm sorry to be writing about this so much. I do talk about other things and I think I am (slowly) getting on with my life... I guess I need to vent as well.

Yesterday was Luc's birthday. It's been three days since he's been home. I know he's been out with his girl and their friends, celebrating. I know the other woman that he flew out here goes home today, disappointed. The audacity of this man to have three women in the same city within kilometres of each other! I know he's been using our son as the reason why he's not always with one or the other. It makes me so angry as Wolf hasn't seen his Dad in days. He woke up today asking for his Dad and started crying when he couldn't find him.

The realisation that he's a perpetual cheat and liar has eased my ego but has made me question how I could've spent the last seven years with this man. He's been my best friend. We're shared the same bed, have seen each other every day - we've had a child. Why didn't it click earlier? Was he always like this or has he just recently hit some kind of character low?

I've always thought there was some goodness to Luc but I wonder whether that was his way of hypnotising me into a false sense of security - or whether it was a way of creating one for himself.

I think my heart and home have been a safe-haven for him over the years. I've always trusted him. I've chosen him above others. I've put him before myself. I've truly loved him and have taken care of him.

There have been so many times when I've wanted to tell him that I know. I've wanted to kick him out, I've wanted to tell him to stay the fuck away from me. I've wanted to contact all of these women and tell them about each other and his real character. I've wanted to tell his mother. I've wanted to tell him how much he's crushed my insides and wasted my time but I've given him enough.

I'm staying for now as I need to establish a strong financial base and get my plans in order for me and Wolf before moving out. It would be stupid of me to go now as I wouldn't be able to support Hugo or myself. Although I'm getting legal agreements drawn up, I know that I cannot count on Luc once we're gone and never want to be financially dependent on a man again.

The last 10 words say it all. I know you can do it.

And the lowest of the numerous low things Luc has done is using his own son as an excuse for his multi-timing lifestyle. Sheesh.

There really is no need to apologize for writing about this a few times. I mean, why do we read each other's blogs? This is what is going on in your life right now and I think everyone who reads is probably happy to be able to support (sort of?) you in this.

I think your plan to stay for now makes sense, but I can imagine it's difficult. And I agree with Junebee, using Hugo as an excuse is disgusting, but I think Luc is proving, without doubt, that disgusting is something he does well.

Junebee: Thanks for the encouragement. I think I'm certainly on my way!

Bente: Thanks :) It certainly is difficult to live in this situation, but I think I have to just get through it. I can't wait to move!

And I agree with you both, Luc using Hugo as an excuse for his lifestyle is a truly pathetic thing to do.