The Contingency Plan

I'm amazed at how some doors open while others close.

I started some really exciting freelance work today. I'll take about four days of my working week, which is quite convenient as my business is slowing down a little. I'm charging an hourly rate so this work will let me save the money I need to move out soon with Hugo. Being back in an agency is quite a relief. I adore the simplicity of turning up, doing my job and then going home, and love working on a big brand again. I've really missed it.

So, after quite an intensive first day in the office, I went to a loooong meeting with one of my own clients and then came home to Wolf and our really wonderful au-pair, who gave me notice that she's leaving. She can stay for the next month or until I find someone else (if I can manage to do that sooner). She's depressed and horribly homesick and I totally understand her position. Nevertheless, it sucks. She's the best au-pair we've had to date and it took such a long time to find her.

I think I screwed up our working relationship though. I ended up telling her about me and Luc and perhaps it was the wrong thing to do as the boundaries became too blurry. We get along so well so I started to see her as a friend who looks after Hugo while I work. I know she has her own issues (the whole world doesn't revolve around my separation) yet I can't help but think that my personal dramas made her decision to leave easier to make. She plans to return to Germany as soon as I secure a replacement.

Luc didn't come home for four days last week. He went to work on Wednesday and didn't come home until Sunday afternoon, and even then, he disappeared for around three hours at night. It's 10.30pm Monday night and I don't think he'll turn up again. I plan to finalise our child support agreement this week and then have him select definite days/nights when he's here. He cannot come and go as he pleases.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself tonight. I could easily revel in my recent turn of events, but my gut tells me that I have to power on through this. I have to gather all of determination, work hard, clench my jaw and do whatever it takes to get through this, preserving as much happiness for Hugo and me as possible.

It really sounds like your au pair had her own reasons for leaving. Perhaps being told about the split of you and Luc made her feel less guilty about making the decision. Definitely get the child support finalized in whatever legal way necessary. I say whatever legal way because I don't know the laws in AU. Here, they vary state to state and if the guy leaves the state it can be hard to track him down. The state databases aren't integrated so when people owing child support move to another state, the woman often loses the support money and has trouble collecting.