The Contingency Plan

it's a dark and cloudy saturday afternoon and wolf and i are having a lazy day. we slept in and are still wearing our pajamas. luc called earlier to take him out but wolf isn't feeling very well (temperature, coughing) so it's better for him to stay at home.

today feels good as i think we're all moving forward now.

luc has unofficially moved out. he doesn't stay here anymore, perhaps one night a week, and is terribly uncomfortable whenever he's here. the atmosphere in the house is slowly lifting without luc here. there's conversation and laughter at night, we watch movies, make delicious dinners and wolf is used to sleeping with just me in the bed. he no longer asks where his dad is at night.

it occured to me today that i should start packing luc's stuff away boxes. his clutter is everywhere - clothes, shoes, bags, tech crap - i'm tired of looking at it and want to almost cleanse the house of him.

i'm starting to get used to the thought of him living with someone else. the thought of hugo being with the two of them still bothers me though. "bothers" is quite the understatement. hugo said her name the other day. i don't know how luc expects to keep his relationship under wraps when he does stupid stuff like this.

i've had a child support agreement drafted and have discussed the terms with luc. he seems fine with them so it's a matter of signing and submitting the papers to an agency that will monitor the payments. i hope to get this finalised during the week.

custody seems to be another issue though. there's no doubt hugo will live with me, but luc would like to have him every other weekend (which is fine) plus two nights a week. i'm not sure about the two nights a week for the following reasons:

* luc has never done a lot of every day things with hugo. he would always bitch and complain when i'd ask so i just did it myself to save the drama. he rarely bathed him, made him a meal or put him to sleep, he's incredibly impatient when dressing him and still puts nappies on him, even though he's potty trained. i worry about hugo being with him, though i understand it may be a good thing. nevertheless i'm suspicious of his intentions as he currently sees hugo around 1-2 times a week and if he'd really want to be a part of his everyday life he'd do it now.

* hugo slept in the same bed as me and luc. we all loved it. when i asked luc where hugo would sleep (when staying with him), he said "with me" and i know that really means "with us" and there's no way i want my son sleeping in the same bed as the other woman.

* i don't think it's healthy for hugo to come and go from one place to another so i thought i could suggest an arrangement where hugo stays with him for two nights during week one and then on the weekend for week two. this ensures hugo is with luc two days a week, regardless of our weekend arrangement.

so many changes are taking place. i managed to get through week one of working two jobs and am looking forward to next week. the extra work has been an absolute godsend and i relish the challenge of keeping it all together. i'll start looking for another place in around six week's time.

my current idea of bliss is wolf and i being settled in a great new place with a fantastic new aupair, hugo going to preschool a few days a week, me finding work to suit and us all shifting into a comfortable routine.

Wow. Things are moving fast. You sound good and strong in this post.

I wouldn't want my baby sleeping in the same bed as the other woman either. Still, you won't have a lot of control over that. If you get stuck on coming to a visitation agreement, you would do well to sit down with a mediator. I’ve had friends hammer out the unpleasant details this way, and they have reported the experience being close to pleasant, considering.

Good luck.

Thanks Em. I feel like things haven't been moving fast enough, but looking retrospectively, the timing has been best.

I haven't spoken about a general 'two days a week' agreement with Luc. I think he'll go for it as his main concern is not seeing Hugo for big chunks of time. It's hard to discuss the other woman at this point as he still doesn't know that I know. Nevertheless, I agree with you. She's obviously a big part of his life now and I'll just have to deal with it.

If you have concerns about Luc's day-to-day ability to care for Hugo, you should voice that to your lawyer or whoever is assisting you with the legal aspects of the custody arrangement. But my feeling is that if Luc can't manage to bathe, dress and feed the child the girlfriend will end up doing it.

I am with you on the benefits of work. It really helps take your mind off of things but stay productive at the same time. And being productive at work makes you feel empowered in other areas of life where you may have felt powerless.

Branch and Blossom just started pre-school too. They had a good first day yesterday, but Branch was sent home at noon today with a slight fever. They will go full time. My first intent was to send them part time, but there were only two slots left and they were on alternating days. I thought I would just throw them into the mix altogether. They still aren't talking, so hopefully this "immersion" program will help. I can look online any time of the day and check on them via webcam.