The Contingency Plan

The house is silent, with the exception of my fingers tapping on this keyboard and the soft drone of a computer in the background. And although it's windy outside, I've left the door partially open to experience the new sense of warmth in the air.

I can spend hours sitting in moments like these. My mind wanders in and out of daily reflections, dark and quiet moods and pure exhaustion.

I think a lot about work but am learning to more effectively switch off when it's needed. It's a challenge as I presently work over 12 hours a day to ensure my company is powering on, even though Chloe is on maternity leave and even though I'm freelancing four days a week in addition to running my company. But despite five weeks of successfully juggling, I still feel on edge most of the time, just barely grasping all of the straws.

The big agency offered me a full time position two weeks ago, purely on my own terms and the thought of working there absolutely excites me. I can have as much time as I like to figure out my next steps, can take time off work altogether and even start permanently in the new year if I wish to. It's up to me. The mentoring, training and creativity within the large and international business structure there fascinates me. I would be stepping into a senior role and they're willing to work around my hot buttons to determine the clients I would like to work on. The accounts are really interesting and I dare say, easy in comparison to the smaller clients of my own. The pay would be consistent, the best in the industry (for an agency position, in-house always pays more) and the career opportunities there are absolutely enormous.

I've loved the senior role I've had to date. I really get a kick out of mentoring the junior staff and feel I have a lot to give. They seem to be taking to it well as I'm often consulted now for advice on everything from media angles to campaign strategies to client relations. I've had three different Account Directors write to the MD raving about my work and ideas, which is such an enormous compliment and a colleague today even said that I have a calming effect on her! I know that I'm raving and could sound boastful, but in fact I haven't had the opportunity to share this with many, with exception of my immediate family and the lawyer. It feels so damn uplifting and good for my soul to be encouraged like this and engrossed in something other than my love life.

And I love the social aspect of being in the office again and meeting so many new people. The energy has such a positive effect on me and I've realised how much my extroverted personality has missed the daily company of others.

Anyway, although I'm still very committed, I feel myself moving away from my own company. I have no idea how I'm going to breach the news to Chloe or logistically separate from the business. I haven't been able to tell Chloe as I know she's struggling with the change of having two children, can still be a bit hormonal and I don't want to add further pressure to either of our already strained lives! In the meantime I'm focused on doing the best job I can so I leave the company in the best position it's been in. I figure I owe us that much.

I'm excited though. And so very relieved to have a contingency that ensures Hugo and I will have a financially viable future.

Excellent! Excellent, excellent news.

you are a rock star!

Cool. Can you find someone to replace you at your company? Maybe it would be easier for Chloe if she knew she's not left high and dry.