The Contingency Plan

It's 9.16pm, Wolf is asleep and both Emily (au-pair) and Harry (brother) are out (not together). I'm relishing the silence, exhausted but also ecstatic to be alone.

Today's the first day I've felt well since last Tuesday night. I had a fever for two days and a stomach bug for three, lucky I was sick as my laptop also crashed. Mum saw me yesterday and claims I've shed half my body weight since last year, which is quite the statement coming from her. I admit it was comforting, though I wonder whether that'll change now that I can hold food down :)

My thoughts feel scattered tonight. My hormones are charming my logic and I've felt weepy and very vulnerable. Being home and alone all of those days hasn't helped my thoughts towards my "casual affair" either. I have seriously over-analysed the situation, have thought of all the other women he's definitely courting and my reaction to this varies, depending on the strength of my hormones.

I luckily confided in a good male friend who had to outline the perameters of the relationship I'm in. For instance, it's not unusual not to hear from him in three weeks and suddenly receive a drunken midnight call. He knows that I'm busy until next weekend so I should see whether anything happens then to determine my next steps.

I feel so foolish and naive as I'm really used to serious dating and none of this frivolity. It's hard.

Hm. He's now online and wants to chat..........