The Contingency Plan

Although it's 6pm on a Sunday evening, it still feels like the afternoon. The sun is shining through earlier storm clouds, Hugo is playing with a big orange recycling truck and I can still see salt in his hair from our earlier swimming adventures. We woke from a nap around 20 minutes ago and have already snacked on ham and cheese wraps and warm banana muffins.

I must admit, I'm loving this time off. The house is so clean and tidy, for the first time ever our Christmas tree and decorations are up before Christmas Eve, our au-pair suddenly left nearly two weeks ago (long story) so Hugo and I are spending tonnes of time together, his aggressive behaviour has nearly disappeared and I'm feeling better than I have in years.

Things are starting to come together....

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Hugo and I were walking home from the bus stop after a delicious yum cha feast two weeks ago when I came across a house on our street for lease. The last tenants were vacating at the time so I called out to them, asked about the property and they kindly showed us through.

I immediately had a strong sense about the place. Although the kitchen and bathroom are at least 30 years old, the house has character, loads of storage space (including a large downstairs basement and separate storage area that was used as a dark room), large living and bed rooms, plus a front and back yard. Hugo's never had a yard and was running the whole time we were there. Best of all, the rent is $250 cheaper a week than what I'm currently paying, which means I can afford it on my own, in spite of Luc's sporadic child support payments.

The thing I like most though, is that it reminds me of my childhood home. I loved that home and lived there for the first 21 years of my life. The windows are the same, the kind you push out and secure with a long iron-like rod with holes, painted white; it has the same double brick construction that's ideal in summer and not in winter; plus an unruly yard that instills a respect for spiders and the like at a very young age.

I love the notion of raising my son in such a home.

The lease is a 12 month contract (as the owner plans to knock down the house next year and re-build), which I've realised is quite ideal. Who knows what will happen over the next 12 months. I've decided to go with my gut and take life in baby steps. I sign the lease next week, will conveniently have two places over the next three weeks and plenty of time to organise the move. I'm pretty excited.

This feels like my first real step forward, independent of Luc.

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So, I was dating the man I mentioned in my previous post for an intense three weeks. I adored the time we spent together and was quite smitten. Our conversations were interesting and challenging, he was sweet and affectionate, cute yet so comfortable to be around. He told his family about me, apparently raved that "I'm a keeper", Harry and Natasha bumped into us out one night and really liked him and things were developing quite beautifully yet so naturally.

From little comments he had made here and there, I could sense he has issues with money and success, but thought our ideals were quite similar. He didn't seem materialistic but had aspirations (he's a lawyer wanting to, one day be a judge). I liked how he didn't seem to have any issues with my situation. In fact, he thought I was in an ideal position and admired my drive.

Last Saturday night he took me to a lovely restaurant on the water to celebrate our time together so far. I was touched, but could tell something was up from the moment he picked me up. He was behaving so out of character, it was like he was intentionally trying to start an argument. He insulted me at dinner, I had to go to the bathroom to avoid crying in the restaurant and later that night he dumped me, not because of my character or anything I did or said, but because I drive a Mercedes, live in a waterview apartment, work in PR, am "a bit glam" and apparently more ambitious than he is. I couldn't believe it.

The morning after he called to apologise. He said that really likes me but my possessions and achievements (which are seriously, not that extravagant) bring out an insecurity in him. We broke up and I spent half the day in bed.

That was last weekend and he's since been in contact A LOT. He called to apologise three days in a row, has made grand gestures to hang out and even managed to meet Hugo (by passing by a place he knew we were eating). His parents found out what happened and apparently his dad called him a "damn fool who absolutely blew it". I agreed.

I'm amazed at how extreme my feelings have been. I adored this man for three weeks but after experiencing that different side of him, see him purely platonically now. We've hung out as friends twice since the break up and I'm quite comfortable with it. I think I prefer it, despite missing his mind-blowing massages and those kisses. We used to kiss for hours...

Nevertheless, I think I'm done with dating for now. I'm glad I gave it a go as it's boosted my confidence, proved that age doesn't guarantee maturity and showed me that I'm still open to a relationship, even after Luc... but despite this, it's bloody exhausting!!

I know it sounds bad, but I feel like I've ticked that box and can now get back to building up life on my own. And that makes me happy.

Wow. I know that you are disappointed, but it seems as though you dodged the bullet with this guy. Further relationship/marriage would have brought out an even uglier side of that insecurity...jealousy, whatever it is.
I'm sorry, but I'm so happy to hear about the house and the new life you are creating for Hugo and yourself. :)

i agree with angela marie. good thing he showed his stripes before you got more emotionally involved and really hurt. he kinda reminds me of berger from sex & the city.

you ok?

Maybe you can purchase the house. If you would be interested, would the owner do rent-to-own?

And it sounds like you're better off without that guy. Just think, if you got even more "successful" by his definition, he would be all the more bitter. Sheesh. What is wrong with people? (Rhetorical question, don't expect an answer).

Junebee (It's been awhile since I've been on Blogger and now there's all sorts of shenanigans to signing in! That's what I get for staying away so long!)

Happy New Year.