The Contingency Plan

It's 11.30pm. The deadlines of work surround me, but I became distracted with a personal project that lead me to this blog. That was two hours ago.

I forgot how much I invested here - from random observations to the break up of my relationship with Luc. It's amazing to have it all here in the one spot. There were times when I felt like I was reading the life of someone else, especially when reading about my daily life with Luc.

My days are so different now. I feel like a different person.

Hugo is asleep. He goes to preschool three days a week and spends two days with my mother. They have a mutual adoration of each other. Despite my desire for banter, he prefers to have 'quiet time' at the end of each working day. He sits there in his car booster seat, looking out the window and I call my mother or a friend. He was extremely shy at school but has come out of his shell this year. He now has a regular gang of friends at kindy. I was pleasantly shocked when he was recently called a chatterbox by one of his teachers. He hates to perform. He's affectionate and very protective of me. He likes to call me 'my sweet little girl' when we're at home, which kills me. I don't know where he got it from. And don't care. I adore it. He's more than half my height. He looks exactly like his dad.

My family have banded him around since Luc left. Our official line is Luc went on holiday but we're not going anywhere. It seems to have worked well so far. Luc has called once in the two months since he's left. He didn't leave a number and I didn't ask. Hugo didn't want to speak to him when he called. I'm conscious of positive male role models so my brother, my dad and my brother-in-law (and his three sons) spend a lot of time with him. I love seeing the boys together.

We still live in the same house. We have two vegetable patches and grow basil, Italian parsley, oregano, sage, rosemary, coriander, garlic, thai basil, lemon grass, pak choy, rocket, english spinach, spinach, eggplant, cucumber, carrots, capsicum, tomatoes (roma and big red), chillis, zucchini, blueberries, passionfruit and strawberries. I adore this place. Our space is starting to look stylish and more authentically us.

So... I'm wearing headphones in my home office, listening to music that keeps me 'motivated' while I try to pressure myself into doing more work. Despite my clean house, there's a pile of dishes in my sink from having friends here earlier for dinner. I made marinated lamb cutlets and mashed potatoes.

I feel exhausted but content. I think I might leave everything and just go to bed.

Nice to see an update from you. I'm really happy that everything is going so well for you and Hugo. Just yesterday I was thinking about you and wondering if you'd ever write on here again.

And by the way, I am totally envious of your garden. Sounds fantastic!

Aw, thanks Bente! I have to admit it's nice to be blogging again. I've missed you guys...