The Contingency Plan

In a culture that treasures an individual's right to choose above all, sometimes I think we've gone too far as the most simple of choices have become too complex.

Take purchasing a pair of jeans for instance. Something as regular as choosing a trusty pair of denims can take hours, if not days to find the right colour, the perfect fit, straight leg, bootleg or wideleg, retail stores have denim walls, denim floors, a plethora of brands, and require a picture perfect assistant to make you try on fifty pairs to decode the mess and 'help' you decide.

Even every day toilet paper and soap can become high pressure situations - do you choose the organic variety, do you go with a trusted brand or the most average in price and then there are the fragrances... No wonder grocery shopping takes such a long time. Sometimes I think 'brand loyalty' occurs just because people don't want to go through this rigmarole each time they shop.

So when bombarded with these menial options each day, I wonder why I still struggle when it comes to the life impacting and far more interesting decisions that come my way. I seem to have fallen in the habit of randomly choosing an answer, or better yet, wanting the decision to be out of my hands.

Take university for example, I chose my course by haphazardly opening the course guide with my eyes closed and pointing to a degree. I did this until I found one I liked (Communications) and even once I was at uni, I 'fell' into PR as a hated my journalism classes.

Now that I think of it, I was even relieved when the choice of whether or not I have a baby was made for me. When my friendship with Sophie was dying, I waited for her to make the move instead of cutting things off myself.

Is it the change I'm fearing or the responsibility for the choices I make? Or is the variety of choices and their repercussions too overwhelming?

Chaos always seemed to be the outcome of whatever was out of our control, but now it seems within how we control our lives. The chaos is trying to choose just one option when we're presented with so many.

And with decisions to be made concerning my career and some of my relationships, perhaps it's time I stopped fearing this (and any) chaos and started to embrace it, otherwise I'm going to be in that denim store forever.