The Contingency Plan

I can't be bothered to write lately.

The date has been set and even though I haven't kept in touch with a single person from my grade, I've found myself on the "organising committee" of my 10 year high school reunion (we all know that this means that I don't actually do anything but debate the actions of the 2 people (out of ten) who actually can be assed).

So we have less than a month to go and nearly every damn night I find myself entertaining outrageous notions of how I can loose 10kgs in that time. Healthy shmealthy. Surely I can do five in that time. Surely!

And I know I'm going to be the tall Asian girl (only one in my year) with the short short hair and nerdy glasses, stuck between the gals with the hair and nails, the ones with teenaged kids or the guys who are still drooling over the gals with the hair and nails and I can't fucking wait. Luc's going to drop me off out west and I'm going to ruckus like it's 1996 (yes, our reunion is a year late).

I was walking down Norton Street in Leichhardt today after getting a kick ass haircut, passing people lounging casually in cafes relishing the last of the holidays, and feeling pleased that the skinny jeans I recently bought can actually be worn out now (they used to cut my mid section painfully and shamefully in two). The sun was warming my skin and I decided to walk the few blocks to the grocers, refusing to make odd phone calls on my mobile. Hands and mind free.

Rarely do I see a person who is ok with being alone in public. Everyone is listening to music on their headphones or talking into a mobile phone. I guess it's so vulnerable these days.

Usually when I'm alone I think of all the people I could bump into, people who inhabit pain and frustration, and today I realised that my list has really diminished. I can't think of anyone I would avoid seeing in the street.

Nevertheless, I'm finding it hard to get to sleep again. Earlier in the week Luc and I had an argument in bed and I was so worked up and alert afterwards that I stayed awake the whole night, reading a book and staring out onto the water outside our windows. I ended up jogging at 6am and falling asleep a few hours later on the sofa, waking to Luc and Hugo chatting while walking up the stairs.

happy new merry everyone! i don't know how i'm going to cope with returning to work, i'm already tired of wishing people a 'happy new year'. you too?

luc and i warily watched the times changed. our official line was that we shunned the demands and pressure of a new year celebration, but i silently knew that we were also a little scared and too tired to celebrate. who knows what this year will bring?

so we put hugo to bed early, made love on the sofa and watched old episodes of seinfeld, cuddled until we were snoozing (shortly after the fireworks, which literally felt above our building).

the new year has certainly has brought about some interesting developments. my insides have recently felt quieter. i've totally decluttered our house, which is the cleanest and most organised its been in over five years. i've also started exercising and am determined to make this year very financially successful for my business with chloe, who is pregnant. i'm awfully excited as i know they've been trying for a while.

luc and i buy a new car tomorrow and on saturday we'll be inspecting a lovely looking home in the suburbs. this has been a hard one for me to accept, but i've finally surrendered. we're paying far too much money in rent and i'm seeing life in the suburbs as a step towards a place (and area) that i'll really like. we'll be much closer to my family, which they're all really excited about. we'd look at buying in around six month's time, at least.

and then there's sophie.

we finally saw each other two days ago. she was shocked to meet my hugo, who she thought would look just like me.

and we all know that he doesn't.

we hung out and played with the wolf, went grocery shopping, made dinner (sophie is a vegan who doesn't eat any gluten and i was very interested, sincerely, to know why and quite inspired to buy organic, i formerly thought it was a bit of a marketing ploy), discussed business strategies for a new venture she's starting and after a few hours, she had her head rested on my shoulder as we looked through old photos of the last few years, just like old times. familiar yet new.

we've spoken twice since hanging out and plan to meet up this friday. her family are eager to catch up and meet hugo. it's like an old reunion.

and the strangest thing is that she's changed her name. this in itself isn't cause for alarm, but it almost makes our friendship easier for me to digest as it's almost like it's with a new person.