The Contingency Plan

She asked while I sat on the couch eating her yummy chicken dish (a garlic, ginger and soy concoction). She was holding Hugo, who was curled asleep in her arms, and we were at Mary's house watching her wedding video. I was happily chewing when Mum asked:

"Umi, if you get married, who will give you away?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. Not Dad. I'll probably walk down on my own," I replied.

"No, you can't do that. Harry should do it. You're close to your brother and he's a good, strong man. He should do it."

"I didn't know you had to be good and strong to qualify," I teased.

"Yes Harry should. If you get married."

But I lied. That definitely wasn't the first time I'd thought of it.

I haven't spoken to my Dad since an argument we had in January. I'm normally soft and forgiving, but my heart has become unusually cold and distant. I forgave him when he kicked me out of home for being with Lucas, I forgave him when he lied to me about all of his affairs, when he refused to pay my mother anything from the divorce, but there are greater unmentionables that I can't forgive him for.

I saw Dad in a store two weeks ago. I went out west to visit some friends and was walking down the main street of the suburb I grew up in when I saw him. I stopped. We made eye contact and as I was about to smile when he slowly turned his back towards me. He then stepped two steps forward and although he wasn't being served, he leant on the counter so his back would completely face me. I knew he had seen me. His eyes had changed when ours met.

I quickly walked back to my car and although I was utterly heart broken, I couldn't cry.

I don't think I'll get Harry to walk me down the aisle. I love him but I don't want a man to give me away to another man, that notion doesn't seem right. As corny as it sounds, if I get married I want Luc and I to give ourselves away to eachother. And maybe we can create a new surname as I simply cannot pronounce his Croatian one properly.

Life has become so busy since we've moved. Even though we live further away, we have friends or family over nearly every day. Our home has indeed become a hub and as enjoyable as it is, sometimes it's just exhausting.

The relaxed suburban life I thought I'd have has disappeared. Luc's business is thriving and I'm looking after our son, running the house (which includes entertaining everyone), taking piano lessons and doing a little freelance work as well. To my delight I've also hired cleaners. Although they've been by a number of times, I still feel a sense of guilt whenever they're here and end up cleaning as well.

I tend to get scared when life feels in place like it does now. I fear things like death and major change and catch myself wanting to do things that could jeopardise what I have, like contact old lovers. Although I'm very happy and in love with Luc, I realise he's also very busy now and I don't want to open myself up to temptation.

it baffles me to think that every one i know will be dead one day.

i don't like how we bury the deceased here. i'm thinking i should establish a burial place for my friends and family so we can all lie in together.

i don't like the concept of being put to rest next to total strangers who i might have nothing in common with.

Like a lot of bloggers, whenever someone makes a comment on The Contingency Plan an email is sent to my inbox letting me know.

I received such a message today, yet when I went to reply to the comment it wasn't there! How is that possible?

So Lagato, please don't think that I'm ignoring you and thanks for visiting.

To answer your question, Wolfie is the nickname Lucas and I gave our son when he was in the womb (we didn't know he was a boy at that stage). Everyone including my boss, my mother and all of our friends affectionately called him that. My close friends and I would howl to each other, I was dubbed Wolfmother and when we saw a baby clothes labelled called 'Mister Wolf', boy did we stock up! So when Hugo was born, we decided to make his middle name Wolfgang.

As for the beer curling, it was a game Luc and I saw on the televised Beer Olympics we got hooked to during the proper Olympic Games. I don't remember the rules of the game. I think we were drunk when we were watching it.

Hugo is divine.

And it's not just Dayna and I who think so.

Cosmo agrees.

A pest controller told me today that the population of Red Back spiders in Sydney is the greatest he's ever seen. He recently sprayed a primary school where he killed around 400 of them. They were apparently dropping from the seats, desks and ledges.

We've found four of these suckers in the past week, one which I killed above Hugo's cot (yikes!), which is why he was over.

The notorious Black Widow of the US is a close relative to the Red Back. Although they're suppose to be timid creatures, their bite is quite painful, has been fatal, and its venom attacks the nervous system. Luckily there's an anti-venom now.

Spiders never used to bother me but they freak me out now. Lucas thinks Red Backs look cool and wants a gang of them. I haven't told him about the collection my brother has. Dad always lets them live as he believes they get rid of the mozzies. If only he knew they prefer small lizards and crickets instead.

My favourite poem in primary school was 'Red Back on the toilet seat' and I still remember the first half:

There was a redback on the toilet seat
When I was there last night
I didn't see him in the dark
But boy I felt his bite
I jumped high up into the air
And when I hit the ground
That crafty redback spider
Wasn't nowhere to be found
I rushed into the missus
Told her just where I'd been bit
She grabbed a cut-throat razor-blade
And I nearly took a fit
I said, "Just forget what's on your mind
And call a doctor please
'Cause I got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease."

They like shaded, dry and sheltered sites, which is why the old-fashioned outhouse was a favourite hangout.

A redback spider

Mum getting Hugo ready for our family outing

My sister, the drunk

Hugo no longer cries when Gordan sings

Who was hard at work in the kitchen

Tom kept one eye on the tv and the other on Ivy...

My birthday cake - a wheatless chocolate and hazelnut torte - YUM!

Hugo was desperate for some cake

But no cake for baby

Inspired by a recent post, I was wondering whether most parents have a favourite child? And if so, what draws them more to one child over their others?

Is the favourite a mirror of their desires?

Anyone care to share their opinion and/or experience?

I've never been by the bush on a breezy night. I am tonight and it sounds like rain. Yum.

So it was my birthday last Tuesday. I've always been rather indifferent towards it, but was absolutely spoilt this year.

And although I received a digital piano, Bose stereo system for my iPod and a new laptop from Lucas alone (!!), what stood out wasn't just the gifts he bought me, ok it was, but it was also how he made such an effort to organise family and friends on separate nights to celebrate. He made me feel like something sparkly. I know, I sound so corny but it's true.

And through the process we discovered a kick ass Chinese tea house. We sipped some delicious oolong cha and experimented with green tea waffles, green tea icecream, green tea biscuits (noticing a theme here?) and my favourite - green tea iced coffee.

Yes, tea and coffee in the same drink.

It wasn't too bad either. At first it tasted like a creamy coffee but left a strong Chinese tea after-taste.

Interesting.

Anyhow, pictures from my birthday to come tomorrow...

When babies reach five months old they start to recognise their name. After hearing this yesterday, I tried saying Hugo's name to him in different tones, itching for a reaction.

Nothing.

I then tried "Pickachoo" and lo, he turned. And smiled.

Oops.

Between clean colours in a frame of dark brown we loll, our bodies connected and comfortable yet consistently shifting.
I lie on my back while Luc wraps around me, tightly twisting my locks to carefully inserts them into his ear. We shift.
My side shows my shape yet the only thing I see is my son's strong stare. His plump, dimpled hands touch and pull at my cheeks, he tries to bite my chin. He shifts.
His legs elevate and sway from side to side, his tiny frame moving in tow. Luc follows and kisses his flying feet. He shrieks and I creep to my stomach and read.
We stay, eat, touch and play but seldom say a word,
All involved yet preoccupied with whims and notions

1. What time did you wake up today?
5.30am and then 8.30am

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Definitely diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Can't remember. I think it was 'Lord of the Rings - the last of the kings'

4. What are your favourite TV shows?
Simpsons, 24, The Office, Little Britain and I also get addicted to music videos

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Yoghurt with muesli and a fruit salad

6. What is your favourite cuisine?
Mum's

7. What foods do you dislike?
Ones that are hard to swallow (eg. a thick mint yoghurt drink) or actually smell/ taste like death (eg. brain, durian fruit)

8. What is your favourite crisp flavour?
Salt and vinegar

9. What are your favourite CDs are the moment?
Air's 'Moon Safari', Gorillaz 'Demon Days', Massive Attack's 'Mezzanine', Motown does Burt Bacharach and Gwen Stefani's 'Love Angel Music Baby'

10. What kind of car do you drive?
Lexus is200

11. Favourite sandwich?
Toasted - chicken shnitzel, lettice, tomato, mayo and cheese

12. What characteristics do you despise?
Hatred, violence, selfishness and dishonesty

13. Favourite items of clothing?
Old denim superflares I wore in, bright orange mod-ish Marcs jacket (Oz designer) with leopard print lining, bold black and white floral print full length wrap skirt, flat over-the-knee floppy black suede boots, and 70s cowboy boots I nicked from Gordon's mum

14. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go?
Everywhere! But mainly Tokyo and then somewhere hot, tropical and deserted

15. What colour is your bathroom?
White

16. Favourite brand of clothing?
Don't really have one. Idealistically Marc Jacobs

17. Where would you retire to?
I'm too young to even think of retirement!

18. Favourite time of the day?
Early mornings when Hugo wakes happy, talkative and playful and late at night when everyone's asleep and the house is serene

19. What was your most memorable birthday?
18th - massive surprise party at a friend's house. I thought I was going to a jazz club. They actually covered an entire room with aluminium foil for the DJ and lighting they hired. That room trapped people

20. Where were you born?
In a hospital bed

21. Favourite sport to watch?
Gymnastics and cheer leading, otherwise tennis

22. Coke or Pepsi?
Yes please.

23. Early riser or night owl?
Night owl

24. What is your shoe size?
Seven (Aus and US)

25. Do you have any pets?
Nope.

26. Any exciting news you'd like to share?
It's my birthday on Tuesday

27. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher

28. First album you bought?
Whitney Houston's 'Whitney' tape

29. Do you stick to the driving speed limit?
Yes, though I never did pre-baby

30. What are you doing today?
I picked out a digital piano for my birthday and had high tea with Penelope

For the first time I'm living in an area with lots of Asians. Unlike most of my family, these are affluent Asians who need the latest technology, premium cars and don't really talk as loud as the lot I'm used to.

And as I expected, the food is just great so Luc and I have been eating out a lot. While slurping down a delicious Vietnamese noodle soup last night, I looked over too see a mother feeding her son. Fine. But seriously, her son was around ten years old.

He was an arrogant and bossy boy who chewed with his mouth open. Food was dropping out of his lips and he indifferently let it fall. His mother kept feeding him and would pick up the bits on the table and place them in a napkin. Nothing said in the meantime.

And once I started watching them I couldn't stop. The boy's father was sitting next to his wife and ate as if nothing was happening. And seeing them made me wonder whether she would do the same if that was her daughter sitting opposite her instead of her son.

One thing that drives me nuts about Asian culture is the way they favour males. I just can't stand it and it baffles me because it's the women who carry on the insanity.

My mother is no stranger to this. My brother is 24 years old and was the only one in the family offered to go halves with my parents in a property near Noosa, a stunning part of Queensland. He was 19 at the time and had never worked. He still doesn't have a job and my mother pays for his part of the mortgage. When he started dating a girl he was quite seriously about, Mum opened a bank account, weekly deposited money into and gave him an access card so he could impress his girl. My grandmother found out and sent Mum a beautiful jade pendant she'd had for over thirty years to give to Harry's girlfriend and some gold for Hugo as I was lucky enough to have a son. She apparently said I can have whatever I like now (boy or girl) as I've produced a boy for Luc's family. Luckily Mum held off on giving the jade away and I'm thankful as Harry broke up with Katie a couple weeks later. They went out for two months.

Although I love the men in the Asian side of my family, they're honestly spoilt, chauvinistic brats, ungrateful and slack in their responsibilities. It astounds me how all the Asian women I know still favour their sons, brothers and fathers over their own sex with the full knowledge of the affects.

My grandmother is currently dying and in need of a lot of medical assistance. Health services cost a lot of money and although she's favoured them her whole life, her two sons are refusing to pay for any of the medical bills. Yep, it's her daughters who are pawning jewellery, working extra shifts and using their holiday time to look after her. And they don't say a word of rebuke to my uncles, as they're the boys of the family.

I recently had a conversation with my Mum about this and she said:

"That's just the culture Umi. Don't get upset, it's just like that. I love my son but I know he probably forget me when he has a girlfriend and family, but a daughter will look after me when I'm old. That's why I'm also lucky."

And all I could think was sure, your boys pass on the family surname, but it's your daughters who'll look after you in your old age, probably still full of questions and a desperate need for your approval.

I'm just watching Dr. Phil (don't you love sentences starting with that) and there's a woman on the show who still breast feeds her seven and five year old daughters.

Oh. My. God.

That's just not right.

Ok. Time to go out to a rave, pierce something and run up and down the street naked because I wrote about laundry and Dr. Phil today and wonder whether suburbia is getting to me.

I'm obsessed with doing laundry. I know it's something I should really keep to myself but it's true.

While packing I realised our last apartment was damp. So damp that all the clothes in the shelves above our wardrobe were mouldy. And some of the coats in the side I don't open as much. And some of my shoes.

Yuck.

So after sadly throwing out seven garbage bags of ruined goods, I filled another ten full of clothes we were keeping and moved them to deal with after the move.

Laundry was pratical impossible in our last place. Our washing machine and dryer were placed in the kitchen next to the dishwasher and the body corporate didn't allow clothes to be hung outside. I'm sure the bridge climbers, touring harbour cruisers and Luna Park funsters didn't want to see our wet clothes, but having a dryer on 24/7 in our small space was a right pain in the ass.

So I 've been a laundry machine and only have three loads left. I've been a crazed washing woman trying to wash away all the damp yuckiness of our last place. Our wardrobe looks and smells so good. I love our laundry room. It rocks.

But it's raining today so I have to otherwise entertain myself. Yes I will get a life once this is all over.

Anyhow, I was asked through my PR connections yesterday to participate in an article for Cosmopolitan Baby. The article will focus on what I ate and how I dealt with my weight gain during pregnancy. I'm not sure if I'm a good candidate but am happy to help out. I used to get all sorts of requests when I was working. Do I know a young funky guy who plays golf? Can I get in touch with a couple in an open relationship? Anyone have an ideal candidate for extreme makeovers?

Anyhow, I don't have a problem with the article but am struggling for a photo. I only have a blurry shot of me at my baby shower and another one of my naked belly, which I love but doesn't show my face. I regret not taking more. How could I forget something so important?

So Gordan and I are entertaining the thought of doing some mock shots. I wonder if we could get away with it...

Started with a scowl on my face

Befriended a lion

But proceeded to eat and throw him about

Thrashed some instruments around 

And then fell asleep (in true baby form) 

Hello!!!

We've done it! We've successfully moved house and Im back on this fine and foolish day.

We've been void of the Internet for nearly two weeks now and oh how I have missed this. So how are you? And what's new?

So.

Luc picked up the keys two weeks ago and in the darkness we crept into our first family home.

We lit every light. We did the running man in the living room and to the laughter of Hugo, we played 'echo'.

Echo echo echo echo echo!

Filled with a new sense of belonging we returned to our apartment, which felt like a small pair of shoes, cancelled our picnic and rescheduled the removalists. Our friends have seen the view and we were eager to settle.

So I now write from Chatswood. My windows are filled with tall trees and I've mapped how to walk these windy, sleepy suburban streets. We're surrounded by families with kids in every direction so I no longer feel shame for wearing my trackies and having unkept hair at three (ok six) in the pm. I'm with my kind.

I'm amazed at how an increase in space can affect your sense of comfort and well being. I can breathe deeper, Hugo has space to play, Luc and I can have different areas to relax in (and coincidentally don't argue as much) and we can easily entertain a party of ten without feeling cramped.

I'm enjoying this suburban thing far more than I expected. I drove by our old place during the week to pick up some mail and realised I didn't miss it at all. The apartment already has new tenants. It stayed on the market for less than a week.

I have photos, but bought Hugo some smashing outfits in the meantime and need to do the doting mother thing first... Priorities people...

Ok... I don't have pictures of the clothes yet, but check out these shoes, aren't they just deeeee-vine!!