The Contingency Plan

During the winter months I like to rebel against the 'need' for women to be consistently groomed. I neglect to shave my legs and armpits for weeeks, refuse to pluck my eyebrows or wax my bikini line and somedays don't wear deoderant. I just love it. The hairiness, the smells, it feels very grounding and earthy........... And then on a lonely and patient day I'll shave, wax, pluck, groom and revel in the polished smoothness of my skin, how the contours of my legs look different, as well as the shape of my face and size of my eyes, it's all very vain and quite indulgent.

I visited the doctor yesterday as I'm still experiencing some persistently uncomfortable symptoms from childbirth and wow, I have a complication that requires surgery. From the rectum. I'm awfully unenthused but trying to be optimistic................

I realised during our date on Friday night that Luc and I have been together for seven years this December. Wow. Our annivesary has always been a little tricky to determine - do we count 'togetherness' from the moment we stopped dating other people? From the conversation where we both confessed to liking each other? Or from the moment we met in person?

I'm currently using December 1999 as it's the time we started using the term 'us'. Luc and I learnt a great deal about each other during our long distance online affair; it would be a shame to disregard that fun, curious and exciting time.

The first time Luc and I celebrated our anniversary was around four years ago. We set the date to August 23 - the date Luc landed in Australia and although we were very poor at the time, we made plans, wrote sappy bits of 'literature' and tried to ignore our finances, but love did not conquer all. After two horrid anniversaries we decided to call quits on the 'celebrations' for the sake of our relationship. It may sound sad but it was more of a relief after two such disappointing outcomes. The event felt way too forced.

I think Luc and I work better with more impulsive occassions, such as our date on Friday night. We were both exhausted from work but still determined to go out so we went for a long walk through the brisk and buzzing air of the city, had dinner and watched an IMAX movie. It was low-key, there was lots of talk, laughter and affection - perfect. Planned events don't seem to go down as well.

Despite this, sometimes I feel really sad about the fact that we don't celebrate an anniversary. I battle to determine whether I feel it because I feel we should or because it's a time that can make two people feel happy and close. I think we've acheived a lot together and perhaps that alone it should be acknowledged.

I remember the scandal that hit when I first shared news of my relationship with Luc with my friends. They didn't understand why I was smitten with someone online when there were plenty of other guys interesting and interested at the time. People who met online were considered pathetic, social mishaps who used the web to weave alternate identities and mask their obesity/bad hair/hideous teeth/dire personality.

I read an article today about how Internet relationships are playing a major part in the break up of thousands of Australian marriages. Even though public opinion has somewhat changed, I was still surprised to read a councellor in the article say that the anonymity of the Internet provides the appeal, and platform for these cheaters to create a slightly different persona/ life.

Even though this is a very valid point, I don't think it's the real reason for these online affairs. I remember when I first met Luc in a Yahoo! chatroom. I was initially sceptical but became totally engaged with how quickly we travelled past the usual boundaries, games and facades. We absolutely clicked. There was an addictive element of surprise to our conversations and an ease in sharing very personal stories because they weren't done face to face. We became experts at reading each other's voices and expressions and took a lot of effort to consistently email, telephone and share photos. By the time we met, we knew each other quite intimately.

There has to be something deeper to these online relationships for people to leave their marriages; some form of trust and connection for them to contain hope. It can't be just the cyber sex but the ease of forming another strong emotional connection that's the most threatening.

Anyway, a client of mine believes that the life of a man goes through cycles of seven years. Each seven years the man will willingly or unwillingly go through a major life change. The client is a well read man in his 40s who read the book while completing his MBA and recommends it as a classic and essential read. Coincidentally both Luc and Chloe's husband are due for their seventh year itch next year so we were a little hesitant to hear of the apparent change. Nevertheless, I can't help wondering whether the double whammy of our seventh year together and Luc's seven year itch next year will disolve our relationship or give us a real anniversary to properly celebrate.

Yes, of couse it has to be that extreme.

1. A slob
2. Very well endowed

I'm hoping the second point will instantly eliminate the first.

Today I answered the door three times. First for a friend, second for our cleaners and third for a cute courier and after all of this, discovered hardened cream cheese frosting on my top, just underneath my breasts where it accompanied a litter of very large crumbs (I made a delicious carrot cake for brunch).

But I naturally couldn't see of this because of my heaving bossom.

The cake was damn good though.

Monday mornings make me appreciate being my own boss. I ease myself slowly into work, spend more time with Hugo, plan my week and blog. Making up the rules is just too indulgent. I have control over the jobs I work on, the ideas we submit, how my time is being used and the resources we invest in.

Swap all of this for further job security?

I don't think so.

A thing I never understood when working in a large PR agency was the lack of face-to-face time we were allowed with important contacts. Although contacts are "everything", there were journalists I had been in touch with for years and yet never met. I had created biographies of them for clients, could recite their job history, list the last five industry topics they'd written on and let you know what kind of mobile phone they used but ask me to point them out in a crowd or describe their height, hair or eye colour and I'd shrug a response.

I was having breakfast last weekend with a friend who's leaving Sydney to edit a fantastic magazine interstate and we had an inspiring conversation about this issue. She couldn't remember the last time a PR contact had taken her out for a 30 minute coffee, something that just doesn't make sense. Long lunches have disappeared under greater work loads and billable 15 minute time blocks and have been replaced with emails, blackberries and telephone calls. I don't think it's doing anyone any justice.

Despite her upcoming hot shots and smart strategic players, my old boss is still the one with the best contacts in her company and it's because her 'contacts' have become her friends. If we were stuck with dismal numbers for an important event we'd turn to her. When we needed someone to pitch an imperative campaign deal she'd make the call. She has these people over for dinner, accompanies them to industry events, knows how they like their coffee, how old their kids or pets are and when she picks up the phone to pitch in a story, she doesn't have to explain what company she's calling from. They're on a first name basis.

Chloe and I work from our offices together on Fridays and last Friday we decided to wind the clock back to times before technology took hold in regards to our working relationships.

Whether it's long lunches or short coffees or hand written 'thank you' notes, nothing can replace tangible human contact when trying to build a lasting relationship.

And this whole notion has inspired me so much that last weekend I turned off my mobile phone, didn't send a single text message, had friends drop by and stay until bed time, wrote an old friend a letter and sat in the sun playing with Luc and Hugo. There were no laptops, no TVs or DVDs, and the only music we heard was from the trees and birds.

And it felt so damn good.

Between you and me, I've become one of those busy people.

I didn't realise until I recently tried to organise time to see Drew (who I haven't seen since last November!) and figured I couldn't do it. There was no time.

Nearly every minute of every waking moment is spoken for. First there's time with Hugo, work time (having my own business means doing more than the usual full time hours), home time where I do things like make dinners, sort laundry, change bedding, organise bills and tidy, then there's time with immediate family, phone calls to friends (usually made while I'm cooking or cleaning), time entertaining visitors and if I'm lucky..... I get to see Luc. Alone.

I think this was the last time Luc and I went out on a date - yes, it was last May, a year ago. I keep thinking we've surely been on another since then but don't think we have. Eek.

I read an article in today's Sydney Morning Herald that says I'm not alone. And when I read this article last week, I had to send it off to Penelope as it quite accurately describes me and Luc.

She wrote back: "I"m happy to say that Frog (her boyfriend's unfortunate nickname) and I aren't DINS (double income, no sex). You two need to go away for a dirty weekend :)"

So in between his work meetings and furtive job interviews I've been chatting to Luc about scheduling time to hang out together. The only problem is, is that he's so busy and so super dooper stressed that he can't think of anything besides his woes.

So dear friends I've decided to plan something. Surprise him. Woo him. But my mind is blank. I have nothing.

So does anyone have any suggestions on how two people still in love but lacking time can re-connect? I'm thinking something fun but nothing too intense or heavy.... ??? And would naturally love you forever and call our next love child after you. Naturally.

I've often heard that people feel the need to pop out another kid once their first becomes a toddler. I can now see why. There's something about seeing a miniature version of you (or your partner) trying to eat but missing his mouth, bartering his way out of trouble in his own language, and tapping your back as he hugs you that makes you think it has to be multiplied.

But there are a few things Hugo likes to do that aren't real crowd pleasers. And even though people may not get them, I just love them (with exception to the last).

He likes sitting in the rain (I've only let him do it a couple times during summer and it's straight in the bath afterwards).

He has a penchant for flip flops. Likes to steal them, hide them, and sometimes lick them.

He also loves my armpits. He likes to squish all of his fingers in one of them, smell them and wait.... I've even caught him trying to lick them too.

If he reeeally likes you then you'll have to smell his feet. He'll take off his socks and raise his little feet until they're riiiight in your face. He'll be laughing the whole time. This is probably my fault as I've been smelling his feet since he was born.

And if I let him, he loves to pull and twist my nipples when he's breastfeeding (feed from one, twist the other) and gets horribly upset if I don't let him.

So even though he's just one, he has a foot, armpit and nipple fettish.

Yep, just your typical toddler stuff.

last saturday dad and natasha (my sister) moved out into natasha's new townhouse.

i was lucky because dad asked if he could throw out some of my old things before moving (no) and then even luckier that he offered to then bring them 'round.

when he came by, he said something like 'hello, i'm here with the box. elizabeth's in the car but don't go there because she's terrified of you and isn't in the mood'.

ok. hello to you too.

elizabeth's been dad's on and off again girlfriend for about two years now. she's a few years older than me (at least 30 years younger than dad) and this was the first time i'd seen her. when i looked over at the car though, elizabeth was sitting on the front side passenger seat, bent over (so her chest and knees were touching), hands over her head, which was lying on the dash board.

i asked dad if she was somehow trying unsuccessfully to hide and he mumbled 'yes'.

okay......

so luc, dad and i walked over to dad's car to get the boxes but it felt so juvenille to ignore elizabeth so i wandered over to her, tapped on the window and said 'hello'. she sat in the same position, crunched over, eyes open and looking at the ground.

i tried again.

still no answer.

so i opened the door to bridge the gap, just in case she was upset, but also so she would acknowledge me.

'hi elizabeth', i said in a friendly, 'don't be scared of me' tone.

nope. nothing. so i tried again, perhaps a little sterner tone. same result, except this time she closed her eyes with a dirty expression on her face and turned her back to me.

uhuh.

i gently put my hand on her shoulder and said, 'are you ok?'

she had acknowledged me by turning away but was still refusing to see me.

'you can't be serious?' i asked.

'elizabeth?'

still no answer. these were not the actions of a scared woman. she was fucking rude.

i knew she would never turn around or even look me in the eye so i closed the door and said hello to her three year old son in the back seat who just looked at me and then also turned his back.

i'm usually quick with a comeback in these situations, but was absolutely bewildered.

dad was walking back to the car with luc so i approached him to say i couldn't believe how rude elizabeth was to me.

he said, 'don't worry about it' and rushed over to the car to leave.

i said i was amazed someone could behave that way. he said he'd come over during the week without her to see me. i told him i didn't believe him.

the scene was still calm and i walked into the house feeling quite humiliated and very puzzled.

luc told dad that he's a bad man (ha!).

it's wednesday and i still haven't heard from him.

i'm not that phased by elizabeth's actions, but i am offended that dad would let someone treat me that way.

he's been avoiding my calls ever since saturday so i left a voice message on his phone today telling him not to avoid me or the situation as it just drags things out. i don't know whether he'll listen to it.

between us internets, i keep dreaming of ways i can hurt him (hard when you're dad is a ninth dan) or get under his skin as he so easy gets under mine. thank God i'm busy with work this week.

I really shouldn't.

I'm busy. Far too busy for dancing.

But isn't dancing's always wonderful when you shouldn't?

And even better when you let all the loose bits dance too.

It's been another fine autum day. The weather's been warm yet windy so I've done four loads of laundry and spent hours outside with Hugo in the garden.

I sorely missed his company during the week. There were a few days where I barely saw him, and when I would come home he'd spend some time angry and hitting me. I think it's because he was upset I was gone. Bad Mummy.

Part time work with Chloe has turned into a full time occupation as the number of clients we take on increases. At times we think to slow down or respond to less new business briefs, but work isn't stable yet so we may really need it later on. Who knows?

A sticky date pudding has just finished baking in the oven. I still need to make the accompanying toffee sauce. Yum. We're having juicy steak sandwiches tonight for dinner and the pudding for dessert. A number of scotch fillet steaks have been marinating for hours now and will be accompanied by a chick pea and tomato mash, rocket and fresh turkish bread, slightly toasted. I'm really looking forward to it.

Although I'm working more, life still seems to be quite balanced. Luc and I usually entertain or hang out with friends on Saturdays and Sundays are sleep in days, filled with reading the paper, doing chores inbetween naps and movies and then a hot and comforting meal at night. I just love the weekends.

I'd like to spend more time with Hugo this week but we're currently organising four launch events so it may not be realistic... Here's to hoping.

It's "The Contingency Plan's" 2nd birthday today! Yay!

So in true form I've prepared something special for y'all... ... ... ...

Incase you've missed the last year

Relationships

I finally created a list of characters who play a leading role in my life

Dealt with family crap, which included an argument with my mother (from which we still haven't recovered) and later recalled the loss of her epicurian art

Saw my Dad for the first time in a year and even though we speak, he and Mum still drive me nuts (like I'm sure most parents do) so I wrote a very theraputic post about it

Totally fell in love with Luc's blood yet found my relationship with him a little trying with all the long hours he works and the very little time we spend together

Events

Went to Penelope's mother's wedding

Boarded a plane with an active ten month old baby and travelled 12,515 kms (7,776 miles) to spend a month in Vancouver, Canada with Luc's family. We loved it, went nuts and put a small deposit on a gorgeous house in mountain-side house overlooking a golf course. Sydney didn't respond well to the rejection and click here if you want a recap of the trip

Luc did something extremely unwise. We sold our great luxury car for a cheaper version, buckled down for a few months and managed to totally repay the debt, relationships (just barely) intact, thank God!!

Hugo turned one and we held a ripper of a party (you should go to Nov 14 to see all the pictures)

We moved house to save money for our shift overseas but later delayed Canada indefinitely because business with Chloe was/is still booming. We still needed to live somewhere decent so we moved to a stunning new terrace in Sydney's inner west which, despite the intolerable summer heat, I absolutely adore

Took Hugo to the beach for the first time, just in time for Christmas. We went to Shelley Beach, just up from Manly to celebrate Kian's birthday and just such a gooooood day

Despite our differences, the Baker family united for the first time in four years for Christmas at our house

Escaped the city and journeyed to the Whitsundays for Kian and Amelia's wedding (go to Feb 7 or flickr to see more pics)

Hugo took his first steps and within a week of them was walking

Finally started weening Hugo

R.I.P

A good friend went missing and was later found, details around his death still remain a mystery

My uncle died in China and another Uncle died here in Sydney

Months later I witnessed a young man meet a suddent and gruesome demise


Me me me

Cut my hair from being half way down my back to its current 1-5cms of length

Menstrated for the first time in over five years

Lost my brain

Discovered a tumor in my mouth, which was thankfully benign and quickly removed

Shared the top five horrible things by body has experienced

Was offered a job in real estate

Grew weary

Analysed the success of my last New Year's Resolutions

Instead of making a set of New Years resolutions, I made a year's worth for the month, which I kinda did ok on

Read a book, the first I've finished since Hugo's birth. Yes, I am learn-ed

Did some more childhood reminising


Nine to five

Battled with the decision of whether to return to work and decided to created my own small PR agency with Chloe

Hired an au-pair Rachael, new cleaners and my business' first employee all in the same week

Took a pole dancing lesson as part of Amelia's hen night (ha, not really an occupation... yet??)

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Thanks everyone for reading!!